Should you go on a Valentine’s Day date with someone you’re seeing casually?

A relationship expert tells us whether or not it's a good time to get serious on Valentine's Day.

10 February, 2024

Should you go on a Valentine’s Day date with someone you’re seeing casually?

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, most couples are running around planning the perfect celebration filled with fun, intimacy, and love. While some are busy ‘adding to cart’, others are making reservations for a dreamy dinner date. But what about couples in a casual relationship? Should they ask their partner out on a date? Or is it too soon? To do or not to do, that is the question that our relationship expert and counsellor answers for us today.

Communication eliminates the pressure

Deciding to spend Valentine’s Day with someone you’re seeing casually depends on several different factors. For some, it's a traditionally romantic day, while for others, it’s hardly that big of a deal. The problem is that as couples get to know each other, they begin to think that asking their partner out on Valentine’s Day could lead to something serious, which is not exactly a bad thing. Asking your partner out on Valentine's Day could be the turning point in your relationship if it's something that you both want. However, you might also want to keep it casual in order to avoid complicating your relationship.

In any case, it’s extremely important to let your partner know about the intent of this date. Without clearly communicating your intentions, spending the day can be misleading or confusing. Are you hanging out or going on random dates? What does a date on Valentine’s Day mean to you? Ask yourself if the only reason you're going on a date with them is because you don’t have anyone to spend the day with. Whatever you choose to do on that day should depend entirely on mutual feelings and whether or not it feels like the right step for your relationship.

Why it’s a good idea

If both parties are comfortable and willing, spending the day together can be a positive and intimate experience for many reasons. For starters, it will see them bond and connect in a way never done or seen before. Additionally, it will make one/both partners feel good about themselves as they make an effort to make a great impression (through gifts, gestures, and of course, trying to look good on the date). Lastly, having an open mind on the date offers ample scope for the relationship to get serious, if that is something both parties want.

Why it’s not

Even if it’s a casual relationship, the individuals involved are bound to have expectations. It’s just natural to feel so; the problem arises when there are mismatched expectations. Valentine's Day comes with its set of pressures, with one person wanting to make a good impression and hoping that the other person reciprocates. It's normal to be hurt and disappointed if you've put in a great deal of effort to make someone feel special, and they don't react the way you'd hoped. It leads to the pressure of having to define the relationship and ask the ‘what are we’ question at the end of the date.

Another downside to going on a date on Valentine’s Day (of all days) could also mean that the relationship could be taken to the next level, but prematurely, which can cause a lot of stress and uncertainty.

What happens after the date?

Partners in a casual relationship might have decided to have a nice romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day, but did the date go as per their expectations or did they realise it’s best to keep things casual? What happens at the end of the date and how it makes them feel for the other person, is something that needs to be communicated so that there aren’t any problems going ahead.

Inputs by Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai, and Anuradha Gupta, Founder and CEO of Vows for Eternity

Also read: 6 cute at-home date ideas when it’s too cold to step outside

Also read: Underlying red flags you must look out for on a first date

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