30 Things You Know to be True if You're a Self-Confessed Control Freak

But not 31 because it has to be a rounded-out, even number…




1. Before you make any decision – big or small – you go through all of the possible options, weigh them up, ponder them a little longer, maybe draw a little mind map, consider all variables, then lock that sh*t in. You've DEFINITELY made the right decision.

2. You DON'T make decisions on a whim. What even is a whim?

3. You'll have a back-up plan AND a back-back-up plan for every scenario. When both of those plans fall through, you really, really don't cope well.

4. You really believe in your heart of hearts that people should take your advice because chances are you've already thought about this scenario or lived it in some way, shape or form so your advice is like gold.

5. You start making your bed while you're still in it. But that's pretty easy because you don't move much in your sleep anyway so the sheets are usually pretty perfect upon waking.

6. You make sure the bed is completely made, with throw rugs and cushions perfectly symmetrical, before you even THINK about leaving your bedroom for a shower/breakfast/general lazing about. There's nothing worse than walking into a bedroom with a messy bed.


7. You make lists in your sleep. No, seriously, you have a pen and paper on your bedside table just in case you need to add something to your list in the middle of the night. Better to be tired than to forget a to-do!

8. You're totally cut-throat when it comes to clean-outs. Sentimental stuff collecting dust? Laterz.

9. As soon as your wardrobe becomes too tight to effortlessly move things around, you go on a culling spree. You just can't be expected to know what to wear if you can't actually SEE everything.

10. Speaking of your wardrobe; everything is perfectly folded like it is in boutiques and there's a high chance it's also colour coded.

11. You fluff the cushion on the couch every time you get up. Even if you know you'll be sitting back down in, like, 30 seconds.

12. You are more than happy to tell people "I told you so." They really should have listened. Refer to #4.

13. One word: coasters.

14. Everyone tries to tell you that you'll have to get rid of all the pretty, perfectly placed ornaments around your house when you have kids. But in your mind you're thinking "no, because my kids will know they aren't allowed to touch ANYTHING."

15. On that note, you think most people don't have enough control over their kids.

16. You will discipline other people's kids, even if you don't know them. Someone has to!

17. You hate sharing because you just KNOW people won't take care of your stuff the way you do. People are so daft these days!

18. You have a house manual for your guests. You know, so they know how things work around here.

19. You can be REALLY hard on yourself when you lose or break something because you really should have foreseen that happening and why is the world so hard on your sometimes?!

20. You don't let the cleaner/boyfriend/girlfriend/housemate help you with the laundry because you have different temperature settings, washing detergents and drying techniques for every single item in your wardrobe. They just wouldn't understand.

21. You are REALLY, REALLY hard on yourself when you ruin something in the washbecause you KNOW you should have just triple checked the load and the settings before pressing the start button UGHK.

22. Passive aggression isn't rude ALL the time. Sometimes it's totally necessary and kind of charming, right?

23. Mantras include "there are 24 useful hours in every day!", "if you want something done right, you do it yourself" and "everything in its place."

24. When someone asks if they can help and you say "No thanks, I'm fine!" you really mean "No thanks! You'll probably do it wrong :)"

25. You NEVER run late and if someone is responsible for you running late you can literally feel your temperature rise and your teeth start grinding. Said person will be in the sin-bin for the rest of the day.

26. You rage at inanimate objects on a regular basis… "It's the year 2016 why the f**k does my WiFi keep dropping out?! Are we living in the dark ages?!" *throws phone out the window.*

27. You hate it when you're out to dinner with a big group of friends and no one listens to the wait-staff when they bring the food over. GUYS! LISTEN! SO RUDE! (But secretly you know exactly who ordered what so you can just direct them.) 

28. You are without a doubt a back-seat driver. Even though you're nearly in your 30's and you still don't have your licence because you just can't handle the fact that you might actually fail that damn driving test regardless of whether or not you're a good driver (those instructors are out to get you, you swear it).

29. The word "routine" literally gives you so much damn pleasure.

30. People have told you they are a little bit scared of you. And you're OK with that.