10 Warning Signs That You are Being 'Gaslighted' in a Relationship

If you have never heard of the term Gaslighting, you might think that we are talking about a a new Instagram trend or the latest fad in Pop music. But actually, it is a toxic behavior trait that many of us might unwittingly be dealing with.

What does Gaslighting actually mean?

Simply put, gaslighting is a tactic in which a person makes their partner question reality. The terms comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight, in which a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind. He does so by dimming the lights in the house and then acting like nothing had changed, causing the woman to doubt her own sanity.

So how does it work?

Well, this is exactly how gaslighting works. Using phrases like "you are too sensitive" or "thin skinned" or "why do you take everything so personally"  can convince people, especially sensitive people that they are imagining things and there is something wrong with them. Anyone is susceptible to being gaslight-ed, and it is a common technique of abusers and narcissists. It is done slowly, over a period of time, so the victim doesn't realise how much they've been brainwashed.

Gaslighters also use tactics like projecting, which means they accuse you of doing things that they themselves are prone to doing, like lying or cheating.They might even question your memory by saying things like "that's not how it happened', or "you don't recall things correctly."

Sounds scary? It is, and for good reason. Gaslighting is more common in modern relationships than you think, and can lead to many emotional and psychological issues over a period of time. 

Here are the top 10 warning signs that you, or someone close to you, might be a victim of Gaslighting.

1.You are constantly second-guessing yourself.

2.You start to question if you are too sensitive, and try to suppress your emotions and feelings.

3.You often feel confused and have a hard time making simple decisions.

4.You find yourself constantly apologising, and tend to think that everything is your fault.

5.You can’t understand what is making you feel so unhappy.

6.You find your self justifying and making excuses for your partner’s behavior.

7.You feel like you can’t do anything right, even at work or with friends and family.

8.You secretly start to feel like you aren’t good enough for anyone.

9.You get the sense that you used to be a more confident, relaxed and happy person.

10.You conceal and withhold information from friends and family so that you don't have to explain certain things or behaviour in your relationship.

Why you need to leave

If you are in a relationship with a gaslighter, chances are that you cannot reason and argue them out of this. Most of them do not even realise what they are doing. That does not change the fact that you need to leave. Gaslighting can mess with your self-esteem, sense of worth, joy and sanity and can never be a healthy atmosphere in any relationship. It may be a good idea to seek professional help, or at least confide in your friends and family. Remember, you deserve a loving and healthy relationship, do not settle for anything less than that.