Healthy relationships can enrich our lives and provide all the lols and support that make existing on this dying, miserable planet that little bit more bearable. But a lot of us are guilty of not actually taking stock of our partnerships. Are they really giving us what we want? Or are we settling with a relationship or partner that isn't totally right for us?
Unless someone has done something actively awful or toxic, it can be hard to figure out whether you're just plodding along for comfort's sake. This is how these seven women realised they were settling for their partner, and that it was time to end the relationship.
"He didn't give me any emotional support"
"When my ex wouldn’t ever talk about our future together even after two years of dating and living together. And also when I would try to talk to him about my feelings, he would say, 'I feel like you’re creating your own problems'. It always felt like I was only there to be his emotional support and encourager, but yet he couldn’t return the favour." [via]
"When I wasn't telling my friends the full truth about the relationship"
"When I would talk to my friends about him I would omit details. You know, things that would make him look bad in their eyes. I would only talk about the good stuff....and if I talked about the bad....I’d leave things out so it didn’t seem AS bad."
"I wasn't even getting the bare minimum"
"When I thought about him, I'd think, 'At least he isn't...' I realised I was having trouble coming up with anything both good and truthful to say about him. I was internally justifying getting less than the bare minimum out of the relationship."
"I was happier when I was alone"
"When I went on a trip alone and I didn't miss him. I should have clued in when I admitted to a friend that our sex life bored me and that I didn't truly love him. But I wanted to want him. It took travelling solo for me to acknowledge I was happier on my own."
"I didn't see him in my future"
"He would always imagine future plans with me, and whenever I imagined myself doing something in the future I was always alone."
"When I fantasised about the next five years, he was never in those dreams. I'd find ways to conveniently dismiss him from my plans."
"I couldn't count on him"
"I realised I was settling when I noticed I was carrying the relationship both emotionally and financially. Whenever I thought about us together in the future, I noticed I wasn't going to be able to count on him to help raise a family. "
"I was doing all the work"
"I realised I was doing most of the work in the relationship just to keep it afloat. When I asked him for more effort he would always make it seem like I was greedy for asking that. When the relationship ended, I realised most of my sadness was not having someone but I didn't miss him. The breakup gave me space to see just how unhealthy our relationship was."