Meet paperclipping the low-effort dating trend that keeps you stuck longer than ghosting

I realised I was dealing with a paperclipper long before I knew there was a word for it. A familiar name kept resurfacing on my screen, even though whatever we had never turned into anything real. We matched, talked on and off, lost momentum, and eventually stopped replying without ever agreeing that it was over. Enough time passed for it to feel done. Then one day, a like appeared on a photo I barely remembered posting, followed by a story reaction with just a pair of heart-eye emojis. Somehow, that still managed to derail my entire afternoon.

Once you spot this pattern, it becomes hard to unsee how common it is. Almost everyone who has dated online has experienced it, even if they never thought to name it. Nothing moves forward, and nothing properly ends. Because it feels small, it gets brushed aside, only to resurface when you least expect it, tugging your attention back to something you assumed had already passed.

In 2019, this behaviour finally got a name. Paperclipping, a term inspired by the artwork and observations of illustrator Samantha Rothenberg, described something people had been dealing with for years without the relief of a label. The idea was simple. Staying present through the smallest possible signals, likes, reactions, and the occasional emoji, gestures that keep a connection technically alive while demanding very little from the person sending them. The paperclip emoji became shorthand for this move, a way of saying “still here” without starting a conversation or committing to one.

The term fits because the dynamic is uneven in a way that is hard to call out. One person does very little. The other ends up doing all the interpretive labour, replaying the interaction, debating whether to respond, and deciding whether to let it go. It feels too insignificant to confront and too deliberate to ignore, which is why it lingers. Most of the time, nothing restarts and nothing ends. The connection just hangs there.

The weight of too many options

When politeness creates confusion

This kind of low-effort presence often passes as good behaviour, which makes it harder to question while it is happening. Viraj Desai, a content creator, explains that when presence shrinks into reactions or brief messages, people convince themselves they are still offering something meaningful. “What people think they are giving is their exclusivity,” he says, describing how small gestures signal continued access even when nothing is being built. Many also want the other person to understand that they are busy or not available without having to say it outright. For them, this feels kinder than disappearing completely. As Viraj puts it, they “don’t wanna be rude by ghosting.”

Muskan Rawat, also a content creator, sees this as more habit than intention. “I think people feel like they’re still showing care in a small way,” she says. “Like, ‘I didn’t disappear, I still check in.’” That logic helps people avoid guilt, even when they know they are no longer fully present. On the surface, it can look polite. As Muskan points out, staying around without clarity “messes with your head even if they’re being nice,” because the other person is left decoding intentions that were never stated.

Both describe paperclipping as something that often happens without much self-awareness, shaped by loneliness, habit, or fatigue. Viraj notes that constant low-level contact interferes with moving on. “You keep connecting with the same person you’re trying to move on from,” he says, comparing it to “an open wound you need to wrap up and let heal.” Muskan echoes this sense of suspension, saying ongoing contact “keeps you slightly stuck, not fully in the past but not really in the present either.”

Disappearing can feel harsh. Staying around feels manageable. Over time, that imbalance reshapes how connection works, turning presence into something lightweight and responsibility into something optional. It leaves many relationships suspended far longer than anyone intended.

Lead Image: IMDb

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