Team Cosmo's best comebacks to obnoxious, entitled men on dating apps

I've always had the funniest encounters with men on dating apps. And by funny, I mean wildly obnoxious, entitled men. Most recently, I was talking to a guy on a dating app who insisted we move to a phone call. It was only day two of us talking, but I thought, well, a phone call might be easy to gauge the vibe. And boy did it!

It started off completely normal—we were talking about our favourite restaurants while he drove home from work. But the second he got home, the conversation took a turn I hadn't signed up for. Out of nowhere, he started suggesting I imagine us hugging and kissing, despite us barely knowing each other. It wasn't aggressive, but it was unexpected, uncomfortable, and completely ignored the fact that I hadn't consented to the direction that the conversation had taken. I mean, we haven't even met yet.

I used work as an excuse to end the call, fully intending to ring him back later. However, he took it as a personal slight and began a chain of text messages guilt-tripping me for not giving him "just 10 minutes", accusing me of not communicating properly (even though I did), and retreated to a lecture about how he was "giving me a chance". As if that wasn't enough, the conversation before all this had already been filled with interview-style questions about my family and whether I lived alone. Safe to say, there was no callback. If one phone call was enough to reveal that level of entitlement, I didn't need a second one.

This is one of the many realities of online dating. If you're on the apps, you get a front-row seat to some truly fascinating (read as despicable) behaviour. Somewhere between "hey" and "what are you looking for?", men often think it's okay to jump to deeply personal questions, including your address, your childhood trauma, or acting personally victimised because you took three hours to reply. The audacity is almost impressive.

Luckily, the Cosmo India team has spent enough time on dating apps to know exactly how these interactions usually play out—and more importantly, how we'd respond. From men who mistake late-night texts for romance to those who think "you're hot" is a personality, here are the scenarios that instantly make us roll our eyes (and the comebacks we'd send before hitting unmatch).

He asks to move the conversation off the app right away

The app has a perfectly good chat feature, and it has been provided for a reason. If you can't hold a conversation on this app, I am not convinced it will magically improve on my WhatsApp. Bye!

- Sagarika Choudhary, features writer

He says he's "looking for something serious", but only texts after 11 pm

Texting when the sun is still out and shining is the basis of building something decent and serious, so let’s pick this up again in waking hours, please!

- Shreya Shah, assistant editor

He asks you to prove you're "genuine."

No.

- Eden Noronha, features editor

He asks overly personal questions too soon

Sir, we've barely graduated from small talk. Why are we already diving into my personal life?

- Schenelle Dsouza, junior features editor

He sends unsolicited compliments that make you uncomfortable

There were so many things you could've said... and you picked that?

- Santya Ahuja, junior writer

He gets offended when you don't reply immediately

This isn't customer service. Stop acting like you've been left on hold. 

- Sidhi Goel, social media executive

He asks you out, then expects you to plan the date, book the table, and remind him what time it is

I charge 5k for event planning. Let me know where to send the invoice.

- Rucha Sharma, managing editor

He immediately asks if you live alone

That’s a bold question for someone who hasn’t even learned my favourite coffee order yet.

- Zinobia Mishra, editorial intern

He gets upset when you don't share your number

My number isn't complimentary with a mediocre conversation.

- Ananya Sampat, editorial intern

Lead image: Netflix 

Also read: Thinking of giving him a second chance? Here's how to tell if he deserves one

Also read: Effort is sexy. So why is modern dating allergic to it?