Everything You Should Know About Orgasm Denial

I can't deny that 'orgasm denial' sounds pretty scary. But really, it's just a fancy and roundabout way of saying 'intense, built-up orgasms that feel incredible when you finally come'.

It is, essentially, being brought to the point of climax before stopping, and building it back up again. If you do this yourself and just a few times in quick succession, it's known as edging and is a wonderful masturbatory game to play with yourself. But orgasm denial is a little different, it's a little... more extra. And, you're going to want to get your partner to be in control of your pleasure.

Colin Richards, a relationship and sex mentor who is committed to teaching people how to achieve sensual intimacy, better communication and erotic fulfilment, explains there are some very important (and awesome) things you need to know about orgasm denial.

What is 'female orgasm denial'?

The act of taking a woman or person with a vulva to near orgasm over and over again. And is nowhere near as scary as it sounds. Oh, and by the time you finally get that release, it feels amazing.

How does orgasm denial work?

The female/vaginal sexual response cycle is made up of four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, resolution. In the excitement stage, your muscle tension increases, your heart rate quickens, and your breathing is accelerated.

Nipples become erect and blood flow to the genitals increases as vaginal lubrication begins. (Is this turning anyone else on? Just me?)

Orgasm denial usually starts in the excitement stage, with some form of light restraint (we're talking cuffs or a soft rope) causing you to feel beholden to the administrator's techniques, while feeling your arousal develop.

How to start

When you reach the plateau stage, the fun can begin. Your vagina will be fully lubricated and your clitoris hypersensitive. You'll naturally feel less need to control yourself as the oxytocin floods your body.

The plateau stage will now be in your partner's control. It can be intensified by the use of a vibrator, taking you right to the edge of orgasm but never quite allowing you the release.

For getting you to that point, you're going to need a really great wand vibrator. They're super powerful, but the lower settings are perfect for starting the build up (they tend to be rumbly vibrations, which increase in intensity the higher you turn the wand up). You'll probably feel a confused mix of anticipation, excitement, fear and pleasure (in the best way).

Pain and pleasure

Did you know that love, sex and pain all have the potential to stimulate the release of similar chemicals and hormones in the body? When you're aroused and prepared, stress and pain can stimulate the serotonin and melatonin production in the brain, which transforms what could otherwise be painful experiences into pleasurable ones.

The act that stimulates this could be harder sex, a spank on the butt, or more intense BDSM techniques - and of course communication before, during and after is key. Combined with the oxytocin caused by the sexual stimulation, the release of epinephrine and norepinephrine in pain can also cause a pleasurable ‘rush’. This means some women and people with vulvas experience a double high.

Why orgasm denial can feel great

Without the uniform or environment of traditional BDSM, female and vaginal orgasm denial uses a similar dynamic but in a much less daunting way. Many receivers who enjoy it are into 'vanilla sex', but just love the added ingredient of having their pleasure controlled.

And obviously, it builds up your orgasm so that when you finally do get it, it's more intense than you could imagine.

It's like a sexy game of pass the parcel (yes, really)

Remember playing pass the parcel when you were a kid? Remember your excited anticipation when the music stopped? And how it felt to tear another layer of paper off? But damn it, no matter how much you wanted to win, the person controlling the music always ultimately held the control? It was only them who could give you the ultimate pleasure of winning. Yeah, that.