Age-gap relationships are having a moment

Age-gap relationships are nothing new, per se, but they do seem to be having more of a moment than usual right now. In recent years, hit films like Babygirl and The Idea of You have flipped the script on the standard, older-man-younger-woman dynamic associated with age-gap ’ships, and it seems the millennial women of CougarTok (and their 20-something boyfriends) have taken note. Meanwhile, The Cut also recently dug into the trend, confirming that older woman/younger man relationships are, in fact, a thing at the moment.

While age-gap relationships don’t seem to be particularly uncommon, it’s no secret that they have a tendency to be a bit controversial, with “age-gap discourse” regularly making the rounds online. Generally speaking, much of the backlash aimed at these dynamics is rooted in perceived power imbalances between older and younger partners, as well as (often gendered) stereotypes re: one partner “using” the other for sex or money.

“These relationships are stigmatized, in large part, because of the assumption that there is exploitation occurring,” says psychologist Sarah E. Hill, PhD. “We assume the older partner is exploiting the younger partner for sex, or we assume the younger partner is exploiting the older partner for financial gain.”

But while there are valid discussions to be had about the relationship between age, gender, power, and sex and the way those dynamics may or may not be reflected in any given romantic partnership, age-gap relationships are not inherently problematic, nor are they destined to fail.

Below, experts explain the reality of age-gap relationships, from the unique challenges age-gap couples may face to why age-gap relationships absolutely can work.

What Is an Age-Gap Relationship?

Age is relative, and so is an age gap. But relationship expert Carolina Pataky, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of South Florida’s Love Discovery Institute, says an age gap between partners is often defined as a difference of 10 years or more. However, Pataky notes that the true impact of an age gap on a relationship has less to do with numbers than it does “the level of alignment between partners: emotionally, mentally, and in the shared vision they’re building together.”

Moreover, the significance of an age gap can vary not just based on the size of the gap itself, but on the ages of the partners involved. “For example, a relationship between a 30-year-old and a 50-year-old may present very different challenges than one between a 60-year-old and an 80-year-old,“ says Pataky. “The key is not the gap itself, but the distance in values, energy levels, expectations, and cultural reference points. The real question becomes: do your perspectives on the world still meet in the middle?”

What Are the Main Challenges Age-Gap Relationships Face?

Again, contrary to what you may hear online, age-gap relationships aren’t inherently problematic. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t certain problems age-gap couples are more likely to face, including those related to:

1. Power Dynamics

“Age differences can become problematic when they create a power imbalance, emotional disconnect, or divergent visions for the future,” Pataky explains, noting that power imbalances can be either subtle or overt. “The older partner may have more financial security, life experience, or status,” says Pataky. “The younger may feel dependent, or perhaps overly idealised. If not spoken about, this dynamic can create imbalance or resentment.”

2. Different Generational Views

According to Irina Firstein, a Manhattan-based individual and couples therapist, an age gap alone may not be as significant as a generation gap. Couples whose age gap spans a generation or more may find their views on politics, relationships, or life in general simply aren’t aligned, which can contribute to bigger issues.

3. Differing Life Goals and Timing

As Pataky notes, the impact of an age gap “depends far more on the life stages each person is in than on the numerical difference alone.” Differing life stages can become an issue if, for example, one partner wants kids while the other has already finished raising them, or one partner is at the height of their career while the other is planning for retirement.

“These misalignments in life rhythm can quietly corrode the partnership if they are not addressed with clarity and care,” says Pataky.

4. Social Perception

Again, age gaps can be taboo, and unfortunately, outside perceptions can negatively affect a relationship.

“Being in a relationship other people find weird or socially unacceptable can create strain on a partnership,” says Hill. “Being sure to communicate openly about stressors and expectations created by these relationships is imperative for ultimate success.”

Tips for Healthy Age-Gap Relationships

Despite these challenges, age-gap relationships absolutely can work, particularly if couples keep these tips in mind:

1. Talk About Time

Making sure you’re on the same page and timeline with regard to your futures is crucial in every relationship, but especially when there’s a significant age difference involved. Pataky says age-gap couples should communicate openly about their timelines, “biological, professional, and emotional,” and consider whether they are “living toward the same future.”

2. Cultivate Mutual Respect

Understanding that partners are more than just their age (and their age gap) is key to avoiding those power imbalances that can develop in age-gap relationships. “The older partner must avoid condescension. The younger partner must not infantilise themselves,” says Pataky. “You are different, but you are equals.”

3. Stay Curious

“Age-gap relationships can be incredibly enriching. One partner may bring vitality and curiosity; the other may offer wisdom and depth,” says Pataky. “Don’t just tolerate the differences; explore them. Let them expand you.”

4. Build a Shared Culture

“It’s not about merging into one another. It’s about weaving together a third identity—one that honors your individuality but creates something neither of you could be alone,” says Pataky. This not only helps bridge the age gap within the relationship, but it also helps the couple stay grounded in a united front against whatever stigma they may face from outsiders.

“People talk. Families disapprove. Friends make jokes,” says Pataky. “These external pressures can cause shame or defensiveness. Couples must build a strong internal alliance, a shared narrative that can withstand the opinions of others.”

Because ultimately, as Pataky notes, a strong relationship isn’t just about how similar two partners may be. “It’s about how well we can hold the paradox of difference. And age—like any other difference—is only a barrier when we stop seeing each other.”