Can AI be your matchmaker?

AI is about as ubiquitous as the internet itself right now. We’re trying to cut through the clutter of AI-generated videos in Instagram Reels, attempting to decipher what’s real and what’s not between the ones that can simulate reality best. Most of us are terrified that AI is starting to edge us out of our jobs. And of course, like any love-hate relationship is, we are increasingly dependent on it, looking to it for everything from recipes and quick research to diagnosing car problems, roleplaying awkward conversations, and planning vacations. AI’s popularity extends to the relationship arena, with people asking for customised sex advice, soft-dating AI models, erotic roleplaying with fictional characters, and even ‘chatfishing’ (prepping conversation to seduce potential partners).

AI is incredibly present in the lives of both millennial and Gen Z daters—but Gen Z definitely wins the count. The 14th annual ‘Singles in America’ study conducted by matchmaking website Match. com found that nearly half of Gen Z singles have already used AI in their dating lives. It also found that 41 per cent of young adults have used it to help end relationships, 15 per cent use AI to plan romantic dates, and 12 per cent rely on it for ongoing relationship counselling. Honestly, it was only a matter of time before someone began to use ChatGPT to find them their soulmate. And as it happens, they’ve already begun. I was intrigued by what exactly using ChatGPT as a matchmaker looked like—so I decided to go straight to the source. I asked it to help me find someone to date. It immediately responded by saying it could help me:

1. Figure out who I should actually be dating (not who I think I should).
2. Craft how I present myself (apps/intros/IRL).
3. Spot the right people faster (and avoid time-wasters). When I probed a little further, it said it could offer me dating strategy and filtering of prospects, profile building (for the apps), message coaching, decision support and advice, and vetting prospects’ compatibility for ‘matching values’.

Chat then also said: ‘What I don’t do (yet) is actively pair two real people together from a database, and run live matchmaking pools like a dating service. The ‘yet’ was interesting, suggesting a possible update where those tasks will soon be on the ChatGPT menu. 

“Functionally,” Chat says, “People use me as a thinking partner for romantic decision-making, which is a huge part of matchmaking. So, in short, I don’t introduce people—but I help them choose better, faster, and with less emotional chaos.”

Profile building 

What Chat did next was, effectively asked me to answer some questions for myself, in the vein of “What kind of relationship do I actually want in the next 6–12 months?” “What has not worked for me repeatedly? (patterns, not people)” and “What am I no longer willing to negotiate on? (three non-negotiables).” I was then asked to pick a primary channel—would be using apps, meeting people through my friends or communities...? “Don’t scatter yourself,” Chat says. Then came the presentation. “Choose one clear photo that looks like you on a good day.” “One line that signals values + personality, not résumé (and no clichés, like ‘loves travel’)”.

Stepping into the dating world, the assessment continues. “Date with a filter, not hope,” Chat recommends asking questions like: “Do our values align, not just chemistry?” After three to four dates with different people, assess calmly: “Who energised me?” “Who confused me?” “What pattern is emerging?” And then, Chat offers help on each step—should it write your bio for you? Or help you decode someone you’re already seeing? Where would you like to start?” A while ago, I did a similar experiment to understand what AI would be like as my therapist. It was an interesting experiment which led me to conclude that AI absolutely cannot replace a therapist, and needs to be used with extreme caution by the emotionally vulnerable and anyone in a fragile mental state. But for the average person, it was not a terrible stopgap between bottling things up and going to therapy. Used smartly, AI can be, if nothing else, a tool that helps you fine-tune a decision-making process, or be a neutral sounding board.

Testing it out 

That’s the appeal for marketing consultant Aarti C at least, who, at 33, has come to find she doesn’t always trust her own taste in men, thus has outsourced some of the decision-making to Chat: “I’ll feed all the information I have about the three or four guys that I am talking to and ask Chat to help me vet them.” She prefers the information and advice that Chat gives her to what she gets from her friends because “There is no bias. Chat isn’t coming from a place of knowing my history, judging me, or having its own ideas about what’s best for me. It just gives me plain facts about these guys, and then lets me take a call,” she says.

“I use Chat for conversations on dating apps constantly,” says 27-year-old engineer Varun J. “I’m not the best conversationalist over text, and it has been my Achilles heel. But I now use it for help with those conversations; I’m not lying or anything, just using it to be more confident and articulate. Kind of like if Hitch wasn’t problematic,” he laughs. 

AI is making online dating easier if Match.com is to be believed, with 22 per cent of the surveyed sample reporting more matches using it. 41 percent would use AI for in-person conversation starters, and 40 per cent would use it to craft the ‘perfect’ dating profile. Self-proclaimed romantic, Srikala, however, is in the demographic that hates the idea of it, as well as the experience of using it. “I tried it on a whim, and I was hoping to be proven wrong,” she sighs, adding: “But it was exactly what I thought it was.” Her complaint isn’t even that it was misleading or problematic; just that it felt clinical and dry. “It was deeply uninspired. Very rational, very problem-solving; making assessments about people based on information. But finding a partner shouldn’t feel that way, when there’s so much about a person you can’t put down on paper. Where’s the magic in that?,” she asks. 

Of course AI is going to be used in dating—the question isn’t that at all. What is really something to chew on is the idea that AI can solve the human relationship dynamic—from finding them, to keeping and nourishing them—better than we can. My consensus is that it can’t, yet. There is no telling how AI will grow stronger in its capabilities, feeding off the wealth of human intelligence it is surfeited with every minute. But at this particular moment in time, it is nothing but a calm advisor that can provide generic (but not terrible) guidelines to dating better. 

Turning AI into your love guru?

Caution is your best friend here.

Manage your expectations

AI even sets them for you. It can’t locate your soulmate and lead you to them—it is capable of helping you put your best forward, and sort through the clutter to zero in on them. Hoping for anything beyond that is setting yourself up for disappointment. 

Don’t Sub Out Humans For AI

AI will definitely give you ‘unbiased advice’. But sometimes, people who know you—and know your weaknesses, your patterns and your past—can also be helpful in their own way. It isn’t such a bad thing for people that love you to chime in when you’re making a big decision.

Use Your Judgment

AI is ultimately informed by a billion users’ experiences—some might be similar to yours, while some might be nothing like it. Just because you’re given AI advice, doesn’t mean you have to take it. Don’t treat it as gospel; instead, treat it like a helpful suggestion.

Avoid Drastic Steps

AI is famously easy to manipulate, if you know what you’re doing. In turn, AI can also easily manipulate a lot of people. If ever AI gives you an extreme suggestion, pull back and discuss it with your most level-headed, rational friends or family before making a move. If AI suggests anything that could cause harm—mental or physical, to you or anyone else—abandon the conversation and report it immediately. 

Keep One Foot In The Real World

There’s nothing wrong with giving AI matchmaking a dry run. But don’t lean into it as a primary source for helping you date. Put your eggs in other baskets—ask friends to set you up, join communities, go to events. There’s more than one way to snag your soulmate (or atleast, a great partner). 

Author and editor Saumyaa Vohra's 'Match Point' explores the ever-evolving dynamics of young love. Vohra is the author of the novel One Night Only, published by Pac Macmillan India. 

Images: Shutterstock and Getty Images 

This article first appeared in Cosmopolitan India's January-February 2026 print edition. 

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