From taboo to talk of the town—how India’s kink communities are redefining curiosity, consent, and connection

David Cronrnberg's Crash, based on the book by English author JG Ballard, was a film that shook audiences in 1996. When it hit limited screens, it was deemed controversial due to what the censor board called “perverse” content. That “perversity” was that it centred around a group of symphorophiliacs, aroused by car crashes. It was a film about kink, and the world was not ready.

Kink, though often used synonymously with BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism), is a broader spectrum of sexuality. It encompasses any non-traditional or unconventional sexual preference or practice—and BDSM is a subset. Running the gamut from shibari, voyeurism, exhibitionism, cuckolding, ageplay, and several others, kink is an expansive universe with many active participants, and even more curious ones.

Films like Un Chien Andalou (1929), Belle de Jour (1967) and The Night Porter (1974) dared to go there while books about BDSM date back centuries. Cities like Berlin, San Francisco, and Amsterdam have had kink clubs since the 60s. Despite its omnipresence and growing appeal worldwide, kink has stayed in the shadows. And, nowhere has it been more clandestine than in India.

Widening curiosity

Kink in the country is growing in popularity. The statistics have it—sales increased by 150 per cent year-on-year for BDSM gear in India [Source: besharam.com], India’s first-ever kink convention (Kink Con) started in 2023–and even back in 2019, an India Today sex survey found that about 31 per cent of respondents were open to experimenting with BDSM elements. And yet, it is still such a delicate subject that it can only unveil itself in safe spaces. “I never told men that I was into exhibitionism until we’d been on at least seven or eight dates. It’s not something I’m comfortable sharing with most people. I had an ex call me a ‘slut who loves attention’. It’s been a terrifying thing to open up about, with partners or sometimes, even with friends,” says Neha*.

It was only on a random Wednesday, browsing through a subreddit, that Neha found a recommendation for FetLife, a group that connected people to kink communities in their towns. She found one in Bengaluru. “There were a lot more people into BDSM, but I definitely found my people too,” she laughs. The people she mentions are exhibitionists and voyeurs. “It’s really nice to have sounding boards, and a safe space to talk about the stuff I like and go through,” she adds.

The community, though still somewhat nascent, is where the kink-active of the country thrives. While some are online, most are city-centric so that in-person munches (meeting + lunch), play parties, and workshops are easier to access. There are communities like Real Indian Kinksters, Hyderabad Kink Community, Delhi Munch, Pune Kinksters, Kolkata Kink Community, Mumbai Kinksters, Official Kinky Bangalore, BLR Playground, Kinky Collective and Mumbai’s Kink Chapter. Most of these are listed on FetLife.“Right now, kink is very city-centric,” says Hina Sid of BLR Playground, adding: “Some things are happening in smaller cities, but it’s mostly urban.”

Creating belonging

Sid started the Bengaluru-based community when she moved there last year; but had been organising and building spaces since her teenage years: “One of the earliest things I felt was being an outsider— on the outside, looking in. That sense pervaded my whole life, not just kink.” Kink was a late discovery for her, she mentions. “But early on, I realised: When you’re on the outside, you can either despair or you can build belonging. I didn’t have the vocabulary for it then, but I realised, I need to build safe spaces, to be a safe space.” 

When one looks at the range of kink groups now, one finds they are distinctive in what they’re trying to do for the kink subset. Some, like BLR Playground, are primarily centred around starting dialogue. Others intend to create spaces to meet and engage; to erase that “outsider” feeling. Most will organise workshops or munches. Some organise play parties (where people can socialise, observe, and engage in various forms of consensual ‘play’). Communities like Kinky Collective have a larger presence with many arms that do all of the above, across India.

Aditya, Co-founder of Kinky Collective in Kolkata, recalls a time where no bar for reference even existed. His journey in kink precedes tech in India, having discovered his preferences early on. “In my adolescence, I realised that something was wrong with me, because I was not finding any representation around me. No one else was talking about kink, no one else was saying that: ‘Oh, I have similar desires’,” he shares.

Then, at age 29, he received an email (on Yahoo Mail, he smiles wryly) that said, “If you are kinky and if you are into BDSM and if you are in India, please click on this link,” signed with a woman’s name. Spam, he thought immediately, but drank a glass of whiskey for courage and replied anyway. And ‘Spam’ wrote back, saying, ‘your Yahoo profile says BDSM in the interest section. I’m from the US, of Indian origin. I have come back to India and I’m looking for a community.’”  Excitement bubbled, and they talked, leading him to the online Yahoo group, named the Bombay Mumbai BDSM Club; first as a member, then as a moderator. He attended his first munch in Mumbai in 2003.

It was the seed that sowed the idea to start the Kolkata chapter of the Yahoo group. People would get in touch and want to meet— but individually, not with others. “Because obviously, there’s a taboo around sex in India, and kink is another level. They were worried: What if the other person is my next-door neighbour, my uncle, my colleague? But they knew I wasn’t from the city, so it was safe to meet me.”

Discretion and consent 

The fear of judgment is exactly why discretion has been a non-negotiable for the kink-active in the country. Aditya recounts an incident where a journalist attended an event and wrote an article on kink with everyone’s Yahoo handle mentioned. All hell, as expected, broke loose. “People closed their accounts and completely disappeared,” he recalls. It took a while to regroup, on a different networking site, and start over.

This also brings into question the idea of consent. “People think ‘kink’ is synonymous with ‘free pass’,” says Stree, Co-founder of Mumbai Kink Chapter. “They can dehumanise people, look at them as objects—that becomes tricky.” But, she smiles and says “we love rules”, espousing that they have, perhaps, too many. “It’s better to be overcautious when it’s about protecting personal space,” she adds.

In her book Mating In Captivity (2006), Belgian-American psychotherapist Esther Perel talks about submissive-dominant dynamic, how it is often perceived as both “violent” and “unfeminist”; often even by the people who engage in it, without looking at it closely. But, she points out, it is exactly the sense of control and respect—knowing you are respected, heard, and in charge—that allows for the fantasy to play out. She says, simply: “Prisoners do not fantasise about being in prison.” It is when there is total safety that the fantasy of danger can truly exist.

The kink-curious 

For many, kink is private. For many more, it is an area of curiosity. It’s what makes accessibility key. “Kink 101 is a workshop we hold every few months,” says Stree. “New people keep joining and trying to figure out kink spaces. We also ask questions about their understanding in our vetting calls, not to check how much they know, but to see if they’re trying to learn,” she adds.

It’s also why Sid didn’t want to centre her community on playing or partnering. “We wanted the lowest-barrier entry possible—anyone interested could enter. We don’t do vetting for general meetups. Only for specialised workshops. Our only rule right now is: Don’t flirt at events. We host in public spaces—cafes, restaurants, daytime if alcohol is around. So far, everyone’s been respectful.”

Though not at the foundation of kink communities, members have found love in the spaces, too. Stree talks about meeting a former partner through a community and she also knows people who’ve met through it and got married. Meanwhile, Aditya talks of instances where people have not only found romantic connections, but introduced their partners to it and found a community. “Polyamory is also a common overlap with kink, and it deepens understanding between partners to have that kind of communication and negotiation,” he notes.

Future of kink

The chief ideas that come to mind are belonging, safety, and a deeper understanding. “The future is about more visibility—but safe visibility,” says Aditya, adding: “It’s about building networks of care and trust. And continuing to emphasise consent, negotiation, and aftercare—not just in kink, but in all sexual relationships.”

Sid emphasises that point—that kink communities are for people who are curious to learn, share, and find their people, and that forms the nexus of the events they do: “We wanted community in a generic sense—just to hang. Because at its core, kink is about communication and consent. And those aren’t just sexual—they’re about seeing people as people.”

Images: Getty Images 

*Names have been changed for anonymity

This article first appeared in Cosmopolitan India's September-October 2025 print edition.

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