You know that feeling when you’re hitting it off so well on a first date, or vibing so hard with a crush, or leaning into the flirty energy that’s been brewing between you and that “friend” so fully you swear you can almost see it in the air? You haven't slept together yet, but the erotic energy is so thick you basically feel like you could have an orgasm just from brushing elbows? Hello and welcome to the delightfully dizzying world of sexual tension.
Yes, it’s something we’ve probably all heard of and most of us have experienced for ourselves at one time or another. But when you’re literally caught up in the throes of all that will-they-won’t-they heat, it can be hard to define what, exactly, sexual tension is—and even harder to be sure you’re picking up on the right vibe when you sense it. “Sexual tension is the electricity that arises from attraction and desire between two people. It's the energy that sizzles between them, creating a sense of anticipation and longing that can be both pleasurable and uncomfortable,” explains Rhiannon John, sexologist at BedBible, adding that this horny energy exchange is an essential aspect of intimacy and plays a vital role in maintaining passion and connection in relationships.
"Sexual tension has a quality of eroticism and vitality that is hard to match, so prolonging the first touch, kiss, or having sex can be as exciting as the act itself," explains sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD. So yes, it’s usually a hell of a lot of fun—but it can also be a bit stressful and confusing—and for good reason! Your sexual tension-flooded brain is basically on hormonal overdrive, says sex educator Carly S.
"Ultimately, you feel sexual tension because your brain is firing hormones like adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, kisspeptin, and norepinephrine around your body,” she explains. “Those are the chemicals that make us feel the emotional mixture of excitement, security, and anxiety all at once.”
Unsurprisingly, it can be a bit tricky to actually think through all those sex hormones. So, because we love you (and we've all been there), here are ten key signs of sexual tension, according to some of our fave experts, plus tips on what to do about it. Allow this handy little guide to help you make sense of all those sexy, confusing vibes.
How to Tell if It’s Sexual Tension
1. Check Their Body Language…and Your Own
When there's mutual sexual tension between two people, it can often be felt through subtle cues and signals. According to Certified Sex Therapist Desirée N. Robinson, physical touch is one of them. A gentle touch on the arm and leaning in to chat with one another are all typical signs that some sexy energy is brewing, but Robinson urges you to dig deeper into your own feelings, as well. “I also like for folks to check in with how they are engaging with someone else. Ask yourself: ‘How alive does my body feel with them?’”
2. You Feel Adrenaline to the Max
Unlike physical touch, some signs of sexual tension might go unseen. “In matters of sex, lust, and anxiety, there’s some overlap,” says marriage and family therapist Katie Miles, LMFT. “Anxiety and sexual responses can both make your heart race, increase your blood pressure, and give you that feeling of adrenaline.” This emotionally-rattling pleasure is why people sometimes confuse feelings of hate with feelings of sexual tension (the enemies-to-lovers trope, anyone?). It also explains why you might be nervous while engaging with someone you feel sexual tension with or why you might feel naturally high after being in their presence.
