Is 'future faking' the new gaslighting? Decoding this new dating trend

You know the moment. It’s date three, maybe four. You are sitting across someone who already knows how you like your coffee, casually dropping lines about “when we go to Italy next year” or “you’d love my parents”. It feels flattering, intoxicating even. You start mentally rearranging your future to make space for them: weekends, holidays, maybe even a toothbrush and towel at their place. And then, almost overnight, the energy shifts. Replies slow. Plans evaporate. That Italy trip? Suddenly, it never existed.

If this sounds familiar, welcome to the era of future faking, a dating behaviour that’s quietly becoming as common (and confusing) as gaslighting once was.

What exactly is future-faking?

Future faking is when someone paints an elaborate picture of a shared future, talks of commitment, milestones, and emotional security, but without any real intention of following through. Think big promises early on, long-term language before there is a foundation, and emotional certainty that arrives suspiciously fast.

Unlike gaslighting, which messes with your sense of reality, future faking targets your hope. It hooks you not with what is, but with what could be. And that’s precisely why it is so effective.

Why it feels so good at first

Let’s be honest: dating is exhausting. Between endless swiping, talking about your favourite colour for the umpteenth time, and half-hearted conversations, meeting someone who seems sure about you—about “us”—feels like a relief. Future fakers often mirror your desires back to you. They discuss exclusivity, stability, and emotional depth early on, making you feel seen and valued.

There is also timing at play. A major chunk of the younger generation is dating with intention, and they are more vocal about wanting commitment, rather than situationships. Future faking thrives in this climate. It sounds like emotional maturity, but skips the part where actions slowly catch up with words.

How future-faking differs from gaslighting

Gaslighting is about denial and distortion. You are told something didn’t happen when it did. Your feelings are minimised. Your memory is questioned.

Future faking, on the other hand, operates in the realm of imagination. When confronted later, the person may say they “meant it at the time” or that things “just changed.” Technically, they are not denying anything outright. Emotionally, though, the damage can feel just as heartbreaking.

Why this trend is everywhere right now

In the era of dating apps, big emotions and bold declarations stand out in a sea of small talk. Add to that our collective impatience, exacerbated by burnout, loneliness, and the pressure to “figure it out”, and you have the perfect breeding ground for future faking.

There is also a softer, more uncomfortable truth: not everyone who future fakes is doing it with malicious intent. Some people genuinely want connection but fear the follow-through. Others love the fantasy of commitment more than the reality of showing up consistently.

So, is future-faking the new gaslighting?

In many ways, yes, because it shakes up the trust and leaves you questioning your judgment. But it is also sneakier, dressed up as romance instead of conflict.

The antidote is not suspicion; it is patience. Ask yourself how you feel about the connection in the present, and not how you feel about all the talk about the future. The future will follow, or it won’t. Either way, you will know without having to decode imaginary promises.

Lead image: Netflix

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