What does it mean to be pansexual? Experts explain the (often misunderstood) definition

Public service announcement: It’s time to get clear on what it means to be pansexual. The sexual identity is often misunderstood—both within and outside of the LGBTQ+ community—so whether you're looking for a label that validates your experience, you’re dating someone who identifies as pan, or you’re simply a curious ally, you’ve come to the right place.

Now, ICYMI, there aren’t just two options—gay or straight—when it comes to attraction. In fact, there are a whole bunch of different labels and sexual identities that can describe the nuanced ways folks experience sexuality. Pansexuality, for instance, can be defined as “having an emotional, romantic, intellectual, sexual, or physical attraction or behavior with another person, regardless of their gender,” explains psychotherapist John Sovec, author of Out: A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Kid Through Coming Out and Beyond.

If this sounds a bit like bisexuality, you’re not wrong! In fact, pansexuality falls under the larger “bi+ umbrella.” However, pansexuality and bisexuality are not the same thing. While both identities describe attraction to multiple genders, pansexuality is “often defined as ‘attraction regardless of gender,’” Gabrielle Blonder, a member of the board of directors of the Bisexual Resource Center, previously told Cosmopolitan.

Whether you’re feeling out pansexuality for yourself or just looking to learn more, we’ve tapped the experts on what it means to be pansexual, what makes it different from bisexuality, and how to support the pan folks in your life.

What does it mean to be pansexual?

Pansexual is defined as “someone who is attracted to anyone regardless of their sex, identity, or gender identity,” explains family relationship specialist Tarra Bates-Duford, PhD, at Family Matters Counseling. Looking at the term itself, “pan” means “all” in Greek, so pansexuality = sexual attraction to a variety of, or all, genders.

Now, pansexuality doesn't necessarily mean you are attracted to everyone, but you're typically open to being sexually attracted to anyone regardless of their gender. Many pansexual people describe themselves as being attracted to people based on personality and moral character, not gender, Bates-Duford says—meaning they could be attracted to someone non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, binary, transgender, male, female, or any other gender. Queer educator and social worker Zoe Stoller previously told Cosmopolitan that while many pansexual people don't have gender preferences in regards to attraction, some do, and that's still totally valid.

And while we're on the topic of gender, it's important to note that sexual orientation (like pansexuality) is different from gender identity. Sex is typically assigned at birth based on physical anatomy, whereas gender identity is a deeply personal and socially influenced understanding of one’s own gender.

How is pansexuality different from bisexuality?

As mentioned, pansexuality falls under the bisexuality umbrella, and both terms mean being physically attracted to multiple genders. “Pansexuality is the potential for attraction to the full range of genders, gender identities, and gender expressions that an individual may encounter,” Sovec explains. Generally, identifying as pansexual means you don’t focus on gender in your sexual attraction to other people and can be attracted to all possible identities, sexologist Carlen Costa adds.

Before you think this means pansexuality is the "correct" term and "bisexuality" is less enlightened or, worse, transphobic, Blonder recommends pumping the brakes. The misconception that someone who identifies as bisexual adheres to the binary is outdated. In reality, attraction to cis-men and cis-women is no longer the accurate definition of the bi+ experience. Instead, "bisexual" simply means you're attracted to your own gender and at least one other gender. Both bisexual and pansexual people can be attracted to trans and non-binary folks, and there are trans and non-binary people who are pansexual and bisexual.

If you're trying to figure out which label is right for you, it really comes down to whichever term makes you feel safe and validated. Since the term bisexual is older, Millennials often gravitate toward it, while Gen Z tends to prefer using "pansexual." If you find yourself sexually and/or romantically drawn to a wide variety of people, with gender identity as a less important factor than other qualities, you might be pansexual, says non-binary therapist Rae McDaniel, transgender diversity and inclusion educator and author of Gender Magic. But if you find neither label fits or you change your mind down the line, that's okay, too!

How do I know if I’m pansexual?

There is no right or wrong way to determine if you're pansexual. “The process of defining one’s gender and sexual identity is very personal and therefore looks different for everyone,” says Lana Seiler, lead therapist at APN. “Sexuality is a spectrum, but if your partner’s gender and sexual identity has never played a big role in your attraction to them or others, pansexuality could be a part of your sexual identity.”

Tatum, 29, knew they were pansexual when they found themselves feeling attracted to someone based on their “vibe” rather than their gender. “I also felt like I didn’t quite fit into other m-spec labels like bisexual,” the non-binary, LGBTQIA+ advocate tells Cosmopolitan. “And when I dug deeper into the pansexual experience, I realized it fit my own.”

If this sounds relatable, you could be pansexual. That said, this is just one pan person’s experience. Yours might be totally different and is still totally valid.

What is it like to be pansexual?

Multiple celebrities have come out as pansexual and work to spread awareness about the identity. In a 2018 Rolling Stone interview, Janelle Monáe said she identified as bisexual at first, but after reading up on pansexuality, she felt like, “these are things that I identify with too. I’m open to learning more about who I am.” She also explained that “being a queer Black woman in America, someone who has been in relationships with both men and women—[I consider myself] to be a free-ass motherfucker."

Miley Cyrus also popularized the term when she opened up about her sexuality in Elle UK in 2015. Miley stated that she doesn’t “relate to what people would say defines a girl or a boy” in an interview with Out magazine.

Perhaps a more surprising public figure to identify as pan is Texas State Representative Mary Gonzalez, who waited until after her campaign run in 2015 to reveal her orientation because she feared she “would have overwhelmed everyone.” Gonzalez originally came out as bisexual when she was 21, but after dating transgender and genderqueer people, realized the term didn’t feel exactly right and that “gender identity isn’t the defining part of [my] attraction.”

Other notable pansexual figures include Sam Smith and TV personality Jazz Jennings, who describes her attraction as having “no limits. [I’ll] date anyone. It’s more that [I love] someone for their soul,” and rapper Angel Haze, who told The Guardian, “If you can make me feel, if you can make me laugh—and that’s hard—then I can be with you.”

What are some common misconceptions about pansexuality?

As mentioned, pansexuality is a subset of the term “bisexuality,” which means you are sexually or romantically attracted to more than one gender. The percentage of people who identify as something other than straight has doubled since 2012, and as the LGBTQ+ community continues to grow, so does the understanding that sexuality exists on a spectrum. Since bisexuality has its own set of stigmas regarding perceived promiscuity and an inability to “choose” a sexuality, pansexuality can be similarly misconstrued. Allow us to bust some of the most common myths about the pansexual experience.

Pansexuals can’t be happy with one person

False! Though pansexual folks can be attracted to anyone regardless of their gender identity, it doesn’t mean that they are attracted to everyone or want to be with everyone. Alexa, who is in a monogamous relationship with a person who identifies as pansexual, tells Cosmopolitan that their relationship couldn’t be stronger. “It’s something I want everyone to know. Pansexuals aren’t non-committal. That’s just entirely untrue.”

Pansexuals have to be polyamorous

On a related note: A person’s sexuality does not define the types of relationships they have. “Just like any sexual orientation, pansexual people might be monogamous, polyamorous, or something in between,” explains McDaniel.

“While pansexual individuals have the potential for attraction to people of all gender identities, it does not mean that they are attracted to everyone. Like [people of] any other sexual orientation, [pansexual folks] have their own unique preferences and attractions,” licensed master social worker Pia Johnson, owner and founder of Transformation Counseling Services, explains.

Pansexuality is a “new thing”/“just a fad”

False again! The term “pansexual” has actually been around for over a century. And in the late ’60s and early ’70s, it was used in the mainstream way it is today. Famously, the author Rita Mae Brown discussed her experience as a pansexual person and how she was kicked out of college for being pan in the 1960s, which she defined as falling in love with anyone with “a good heart.” According to Johnson, the myth that pansexuality is new, a fad, or not an “actual sexual orientation” erases the experiences of pansexual individuals and reinforces harmful norms around sexual and gender identity. “Pansexuality is a valid and important part of the broader spectrum of queer sexuality,” says Johnson.

Pansexuals are sexually "promiscuous"

Just because you can have sexual attraction for anyone regardless of their gender identity, doesn’t mean you will actually sleep with anyone. This assumption would be the equivalent of saying a heterosexual woman wants to have sex with *all* men. Not to mention, if you’re someone who enjoys a lot of sex, regardless of your sexual identity, you should never feel shame about your decisions to do what you want with your body, period.

Pansexuality is the same thing as being panromantic

“Pansexuality” is often used alongside the term “panromantic,” but the two are not the same. Panromantic refers to someone who is romantically attracted to people of all gender identities, whereas pansexuality is about sexual attraction. “A pansexual individual may experience attraction to people of all genders but may not necessarily experience romantic attraction to everyone they are [sexually] attracted to. Similarly, a panromantic individual may experience romantic attraction to people of all genders but may not necessarily experience sexual attraction to everyone they are [romantically] attracted to,” explains Johnson. That said, it is possible for someone to be both pansexual and panromantic, but it is also possible for someone to be one but not the other. 

Regardless of whether you are in the LGBTQ+ community yourself or you're an ally, you can always be supportive of your friends, family, and/or partners who are pansexual. It starts by educating yourself on what it means to be pansexual. Websites like GLAAD and the HRC are all great sources for understanding and learning more about pansexuality.

Lastly, licensed marriage and family therapist Mona Eshaiker says to give those around you permission to express themselves authentically. “Many times, people feel stuck in their expressions of gender or sexual attraction because of social pressure, wanting to fit in, or fear of judgment. Be the person your friends and family feel comfortable expressing their true authentic selves with," she says.

​​What does the pansexual flag look like?

Like most sexual orientations, pansexuals have a flag that allows them to proudly express themselves. The pansexual flag features three horizontal stripes: pink on the top, yellow in the middle, and blue at the bottom. The pink stripe represents attraction to those who identify within the female spectrum, the blue stripe represents attraction to those who identify within the male spectrum, and the yellow stripe uniquely symbolizes attraction to non-binary and gender-nonconforming individuals. You’ll notice that the yellow is what distinguishes it from the bisexual flag.

Finding pride in your pansexuality

In addition to rocking the pretty pan flag and showcasing your colors during Pride month in June, there are a lot of ways to be out and proud about your pansexuality. Support pansexual artists or business owners, educate yourself and others about the history of pansexuality (being here is a great start!), donate or volunteer to LGBTQIA+ causes, and be vocal about your identity and being an ally.

Don’t forget: There are lots of community hashtags on social media that represent those who are pansexual, so you can show your pride straight from your phone. Try using #pansexual on TikTok and Instagram to help you discover pansexual content creators and others in the community.

Where can I go for more resources?

There are many places you can go to learn more about pansexuality and the LGBTQIA+ experience as a whole. The Bisexual Resource Center provides information and community to those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, or queer. If you're looking for some more reading material, Bisexual and Pansexual Identities: Exploring and Challenging Invisibility and Invalidation by Nikki Hayfield, digs deeper into much of what we've covered in this article. The Trevor Project is a non-profit organization and a great resource center for LGBT youth—we love!

If you’re interested in meeting or dating people who share similar identities and experiences, you might try your luck on some queer-friendly dating apps like Feeld or HER. And, as always, if you have the resources to do so, seeing a therapist who specializes in the LGBTQIA+ experience is never a bad idea. (Psst, this site is a great resource for finding inclusive therapists!)

Understanding and embracing your sexual identity is a deeply personal journey. As McDaniel emphasizes, labels are most beneficial when we choose them for ourselves. If the term pansexual resonates with you and reflects your experience, then congrats, you’re pan! If it doesn’t feel like a fit, then ditch it! Only you get to decide what labels fit and what they mean to you.

Lead Image Credit: Polina Tankilevitch/Pexels
 

This story originally appeared in Cosmopolitan on May 2024.

 

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