Woman-on-top, also known as girl-on-top, cowgirl’ or ‘the rider’, is a classic for a reason, let's be real. It's generally considered more adventurous than missionary, and allows the female partner to set the pace and angle. There's the added bonus of clit stimulation, eye contact, and also more targeted penetration, which works well for G-spot orgasms (if you have them). However, if you happen to be self-conscious, cowgirl can be a bit of a daunting position to adopt. You might worry about what to do with your arms while you’re up there, what your face looks like as you climax, or, if you struggle with your body image (as many of us sadly do), it can feel like a vulnerable position to try. However, there are plenty of positives if you feel confident enough to try it. What is the woman on top sex position? Most commonly known as the 'cowgirl', this position involves the female partner on top (duh) riding a penis... but if you're playing with partners of different anatomies and genders, it also works with a sex toy, or strap-on. A word to the wise: most women and people can't climax from penetration alone, so you might want to throw in some extra clit stimulation. Remember that you can never go wrong with honesty and communication, and that a major benefit of girl-on-top positions is that it allows plenty of room for using a clit vibrator. Women on top tips In order to learn more about how to make the most of the cowgirl position, we've sourced real people's stories, tips, and confessions from Reddit. Alongside these IRL confessions, we spoke to Kate Moyle, a sex and relationships therapist and the in-house expert for LELO, and Leanne Yau, a polyamory advocate, certified sex and relationships educator, and expert at Taimi, for an expert evaluation of these pieces of advice. 1.“Personally, I like when she gets on top and tries her best to make herself cum. It gets me so turned on to see her take command of her own orgasmic destiny. This is also the most common way for my wife and I to cum together.” [via] Kate Moyle says: “Providing that the focus is on achieving orgasm because she wants to, rather than any pressure or expectation for it to have to happen for sex to be considered successful, then this is a great way of adapting this position. The dual stimulation of both the internal and external parts of the clitoris can really intensify pleasure, and the psychological aspect of both partners being so turned on by it is a real boost for both desire and arousal.” 2.“Don’t bounce too high... speed isn’t always the best. Going slow. Also, getting the right angle is important. Definitely ask which angle feels the best.” [via]Moyle says: “Speed of sex is all about your preference and what feels possible and good for both of you, going slow or moving fast can offer different types of sensations and you may enjoy switching between the two. All bodies are different and so angle of penetration is important, as continuing with sex if it’s uncomfortable is only going to impact sex negatively — and nobody should continue with sex that’s causing them pain. A simple trick for changing the angle can be to place a pillow under the hips of the bottom partner.” 3.“Use your hips, not your legs. Also getting into a squat on your hands and feet, that’s extremely hot. And don’t forget to lean in and kiss us every now and then.” [via] Moyle says: “Positions are about comfort — and whilst using your legs can be good they are likely to get tired quickly — the key thing with any position is that if it’s not working for you, then you don’t have to stick with it. And adapting positions to make them more comfortable is going to be dependent on the particular people and situation. You can use your hips in numerous movements and ways during sex, and the pelvic floor muscles play a key role in sex which can create different sensations when tensed and released.” 4.“This might be overly general advice, because it goes for everyone in most sex positions, but keep an eye on [your partner’s] reactions to what you’re doing. Both noises and facial expressions. If a particular speed, rhythm, or angle is really working for them you should be able to see it in their face and possibly hear it.” [via] Moyle says: “The only way that you can really know what’s going on for them is by asking or checking in. A simple, ‘Does that feel good for you?’, ‘Is that working for you?’, or, ‘Do you want to carry on?’, is the best and simplest way to ask. Most of us aren’t taught about sexual communication and feel that if we have to ask we aren’t doing it right, when in fact the opposite is true.” 5.“Press their hands to your boobs while grinding them. It’s really hot!” [via] Our experts say: “The little details can really transform a sex session into a mind-blowing experience. Eye contact, skin-on-skin touch, switching up moves and intensity, the noises you make — these things can all influence how much you both enjoy a girl-on-top sesh. Don’t hold back while you’re on top, express yourself and let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t — you’ll find it pays off for you both.” 6.“If you are riding someone, don’t try to lift off so far that just the tip is in you. In my experience, it is really hard to maintain that stopping point when both y’all really get into it. Try to just lift off half his length; in your enthusiasm you’ll probably get most of the way off him, but the chance of going too far is reduced.” [via] Moyle says: “Again, this is about preference — adding lubricant can also help to give a slide or glide sensation, which can be a pleasure boost. If you are lifting off so far that it’s just the tip or that you pull out, just make sure you aren’t too rough with re-entry, as this is when issues like penile fracture can happen with misaligned penetration (although this is rare).” 7.“No matter what you think you look like, you don’t need to be self-conscious. We are loving it, and we think you look hot as hell.” [via] Moyle says: “Body confidence isn’t about how you look, it’s about how you feel, and we receive a lot of messages about how our bodies ‘should’ look which can breed feelings of self-consciousness. It’s much more important to focus on how your body feels and to give your attention to your pleasure — it’s also likely your partner worries about some parts of their body at points too, so you’re not alone. Being pre-occupied with how your body looks can be a real distraction, which can really inhibit your pleasure.” 8.“Get on. Close your eyes if you need to, just lose yourself, vibrate back and forth as I guide your hips, and gush all over my cock. Also, if you are really struggling with manoeuvrability issues during your first times together, reverse cowgirl is a great interim step, both physically and psychologically since eye contact isn’t a factor.” [via] Our experts say: “Not sure we agree with this one. Reverse cowgirl is quite a difficult position to maintain and it doesn’t always feel great. Plus, if eye contact makes you anxious, your partner staring down your whole butthole in reverse cowgirl definitely will. Don’t skip to this move — it’s definitely an intermediate position and not a starter move.” 9.“You should be honest with each other and not just yourself. Switching positions if you’re getting tired is better than carrying on until you literally can’t do it anymore and it just becomes a pathetic attempt to get to the finish line. We go from cowgirl, to missionary, to sitting, and back to cowgirl for the big finish. If you need a break, take one.” [via] Leanne Yau says: “Apart from switching positions to ensure there is a balance on who is using the most energy or who is being the more ‘active’ party during sex, you can also slow down to build anticipation or tease your partner as a more subtle way to catch your breath without switching up what you’re doing! I would also go a step further and say that you can take breaks from the sex entirely — if you’re overheating, overstimulated, or just plain exhausted, it’s okay to pause, cuddle, drink some water, and keep going.” 10.“If it’s uncomfortable or awkward for you, chances are they’re not enjoying it. 50% of my pleasure comes from knowing my wife is having a good time, and it’s easy to pick up when your partner isn’t enjoying it.” [via] Yau says: “There is a huge misconception that sex must involve all parties being ‘locked in’ at all times, when ultimately the most important thing is that everyone is having fun. And just like any fun activity, it is important for the people involved to check in with themselves and each other about their energy and capacity, and taking breaks is a big part of that. Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience for all parties, and it’s also a fabulous opportunity for connection — if one person is tiring themselves out to please the other, the feelings of fun and pleasure may turn into obligation and work.” 11. “Just relax, be yourself, and let yourself be sexual and feel everything, physically and emotionally. This isn’t the Olympics, it’s two people getting together to enjoy each other and have a nice time.” [via] Our experts say: “This is key! Whether it’s from the sex we see in films or porn, there’s an idea that sex needs to look a certain way. When we ruminate on this, it takes us out of the moment, meaning sex stops being sex and becomes a performance. That isn’t fun for anyone involved. The only thing that matters in cowgirl and beyond is that it feels good — for you and your partner. If what you are doing feels good, and you feel confident doing it, then you’re doing it right.”
