This Story Could Save Your Life!

There’s no easy way of putting it out there—taking your own life might seem like an act of cowardice for most, copycat celebrity act for many, and brave for few, and although it might be done in isolation, the pain and tragedy of the loss for close family and friends is everlasting. You can debate it, rationalise it till you wear yourself out silly and vehemently oppose it. However, when you are at the crossroads of choosing between taking your own life or staying strong in the face of the ‘survival-and-coping-with-it-all’ circuit challenge, very few opt for the latter.

Suicide, now more than ever, screams for attention with the growing number of everyday, ‘you and me’ sort of people leaning towards it. According to a recent survey, nearly a million people worldwide commit suicide each year, with anywhere from 10 to 20 million suicide attempts annually. The number chasers would be quick to quip ‘no option out from social situations’ as its cause and, therefore, effect. Tabloids that feed off breaking news put it pat down to depression, and perhaps rightfully so. History is full of examples—from Sylvia Plath who was obsessed with death and depression, to Kurt Cobain who was disillusioned with the world around him to, most recently, Alexander Mc Queen who is known to have been suffering from depression in spite of the worldwide adulation he garnered—suicide, like these celebrities who made it their life path, has gained cult status.

It would be presumptuous of anyone who trivialises the reason for attempted suicide—because honestly, we all feel we are above it and it would never even be an option. While we might not actualise it in reality, it would be equally short-sighted of us to not clue in about suicide, understand where it stems from, recognise the signs, and finally intervene when you feel that someone close to you is in danger of being derailed. We not only decode all that there is to know about suicide here, but get the help you’d need to put a lid on the thought (if you are even close to contemplating it) and stop it in the tracks for those who want to dive into this black-hole of obl ivion. Don’t make suicide even an option…

The Doc Says

According to a report published by World Health Organisation (WHO), every three seconds a person attempts suicide. The psychological, social, and financial impact on the family and society is huge with at least six people devastated by it. One can’t possibly put down one reason for suicide; the reasons vary from one person to the other. What possibly acts as catalyst for suicide is real or imagined loss, like a break-up, moving, loss (especially if by suicide) of a friend, loss of freedom, or loss of privileges according to www.medicinenet.com. Of course, experts across the board second that.

Dr Rohit Garg, psychiatrist with Safdarjung Hospital, Delhi, says, “The majority of people who come for therapy and seem to have suicidal tendencies, are actually severely depressed. It’s assumed that if you are seemingly happy and successful you are pretty ‘solid’ as a person. Fact is, most women who I treat are doing very well for themselves, are financially sound but increasingly start to feel like there is a vacuum in their life. They are Type As who want to excel in everything, however the minute something is out of order in one part of their lives, they feel like they are losing control and it will have a domino effect. You make yourself sick with worry…literally. I see the trend, especially on the rise in women who are at the top, and don’t seem to have a sound support system around them.” All work and no play, makes Jack (in this case Jacqueline) a dull boy (girl) hits bulls eye here. The absence of mental illness and substance abuse as well as the presence of a strong social support system decrease the likelihood that a person will kill himself or herself under pressure.

Reel Life Meets Real Life

In a 2004 interview with CBS’s 60 Minutes Jim Carrey said he had to stop taking drugs to feel better about his depressive state. “I had to get off at a certain point because I realised that…everythings is just okay.” Being hooked to anti-depressants might not be so fashionable here right now, but the likelihood of it becoming a massive issue, like in the US, is just a few years away. Anti-depressants are easily available over the counter on prescription here anyway.

Being star-struck doesn’t help either. To add to the shenanigans, we often start doing the same in our own life—celebrity pill-popping seems acceptable enough. Prachi Kathuria*, 28, says, “You see, anti-depressives help me relax. After I lost my job last year, thanks to recession and my boyfriend dropped me like a hot brick, I withdrew into a shell. I wouldn’t talk to my mum about it because she never approved of him in the first place and my friends couldn’t be my confidantes since a majority of them felt like they saw it coming since the time I started seeing my now ex-boyfriend. It was a six-month-long ordeal I had to deal with on my own. I couldn’t bear to look at myself. I felt like such a failure and popped sleeping pills to end the pain of losing people I loved. After being admitted in the hospital for a week, intervention by the team of doctors there, and post therapy at Sahai, Bangalore’s first helpline for people who were emotionally disturbed, I was able to get back on track. It’s taken me a while and although it still hurts, I am trying to cope. A few months back I came across this website called www.metanoia.org—it’s a good place to get a grip on things. I am registered on plenty of these help groups online. It’s a welcome change to talk to people who understand where I am coming from.”

Copycat Suicide?

Alicia Sparks, blogging over at Celebrity Psychings, notes recommendations for the media when reporting on suicide, because suicide contagion is a real phenomenon. The premise of the piece being—just like copycat murders (think Basic Instinct), there is a small but statistically significant increase in suicide deaths after a reported suicide makes the media rounds, especially when the person who dies by suicide is a celebrity. Suicide is often accompanied with an untreated or under-treated mental health concern, most often depression. And for most depressants their poison is alcohol and drugs, which makes their decisions seem more rational but sadly, also more impulsive. Case in point—Drew Barrymore. After leaving drug rehab at just 14 years of age, she tried to kill herself, but she received immediate treatment post that and successfully managed to stamp the habit out of her life. A permanent state of inertia reached due to high pressure jobs and stressful environment doesn’t help matters either! A survey carried in The Week in 2008 reported that a person’s biological age can be 30 times higher than the calendar age under severe stress. 69% of people suffering from stress-related disorders such as depression were apprehensive that society would consider them to be crazy, while 55% of people suffering from stress-related disorders said they had no or very few close friends.

We Are Connected Yet Individual

Picture this: you are at a party where you know no one. To make up for the lack of conversation starters, you look for cues while scanning people. You walk up to someone you feel you might have something remotely in common and start a casual conversation. Obvious territory to tread on—the gorgeous Chantillly lace dress; common debate ground—what’s hot in celebrity circles!

As a culture we connect with each other by sharing the same experiences. Misery seeks company and it becomes easy to bond instantly with strangers during an all-night-long candle-light vigil. Years later of course, these become our glorified badges of mourning memory. We crave the stories just like the celerities craved for their pills, coke, liquor and heroin—trying very hard to understand the sadness they felt and the depression they couldn’t live without.

End result: We feel closer to these bright faces on hoardings, more so than friends and family. In ‘Depression Upside’, in New York Times Magazine, the writer, Jonah Lehrer, asks if there is an evolutionary purpose to feeling really sad? In layman’s terms—is it easier for us to be fixated with misery than happiness? Perhaps, because we immediately sympathise with someone who goes down that path…Also while we are shrinking as a world, access to everything at a click has made us more self dependent, limiting our social interaction with the world at large. This constant state of empathising with those who pass on and feeling horribly alone can be a deal breaker for those who have suicidal tendencies. The first step to change of thought and a complete overhaul is incorporating changes that take you off your depressive state and make sure you find reason enough to enjoy what life has in store for you. Embrace the joy of living, instead of embracing grief. “What meets the eye is not always real! Make life changing decisions after dwelling upon it long enough.” 

Warning Signs

It’s imperative that you recognise the warning signs in a person who is suicidal. It allows you to jump right when things seem out of control for them and do something proactively about it. The American Association of Suicidology developed a mnemonic to aid in remembering the warning signs for suicide. The mnemonic developed for it was IS PATH WARM. Deconstructing it helps recognise the signs immediately. Make a check list here and spot the warning signs for yourself:

Ideation and manifestation of thought: Threatening to kill or seeking access to any means should ring off the alarm bells for you. As should talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide, especially when these actions are out of the mundane chit chat that you might have with a friend.It makes for an obvious i ndicator, and calls for intervention.

Substance Abuse: Too much is dangerous—keep a tab if you have to, before any premature deductions.

Purposelesness: Most attempted suicides feel that there is no purpose in continuing to carrying the pain and misery wherever you go. This directionless tread can make one even more depressed. Suhasini Sahai*, 27 says, “I didn’t want to live after my brother died. There was no point, we were so close and we shared everything. He died in a freak accident while coming back from Leh on a bike. I was 20 and he was 25. We were always on the move because of our Army background and he was my confidante, my best friend and someone who was always there for me. I was holed up in a room after his death and refused to come out for an entire day. It all seemed so unfair and I was so confused. I slashed my wrists and my dad found me unconscious the next day. I didn’t go to a therapist because my parents really came through for me in that period. I have seen pain but I have also experienced happiness—choosing to enjoy every moment of my life is now a conscious decision!” Let one incident not mar the direction your life should take.

Anxiety: Always on the edge and losing your cool unnecessarily needs to have a reason. Find that reason and work on the solution.

Trapped: You can’t seem to make head and tail of a situation and you feel like you’re caught in rut you can’t get out of—let that not determine finding an exit route out of the mess you find yourself in.

Hopelessness: The major reason for anxiety is the hopelessness of the situation you find yourself in. Nurture hope for a person who finds himself/ herself at a red light. Find a vocation, have a change of scene.

Withdrawl: In both cases of attempted suicide one thing remained constant— withdrawing into a shell and not allowing anyone to enter. This is self-destructive by all means. Coax out the person gently from that shell and give them that hope.

Anger: Being angry at the world, the situation you find yourself in, the haplessness of being at a loss to mend it, are reasons enough to make anyone angry. Channel that anger into passion for creating something that is beautiful and does not cause any self harm.

Recklessness: Engaging in seemingly reckless activities without putting in iota of thought can lead to only one thing—pain and injury. Stop it in its track.

Mood Changes: Mood swings are mandatory even in normal, everyday life. However with people who are feeling suicidal it’s fatal and shifty. Make sure you are there to recognise the signs no matter what!

Through Professional Help

First and foremost, identify whether you or someone close needs help immediately. The risk assessment for suicidal thoughts and behaviours performed by mental health professionals often involves an evaluation of the presence, severity, and duration of suicidal feelings in the individuals they treat as part of a comprehensive evaluation of the person’s mental health according to Sukhjit Sahay, senior psychiatrist, at Max. If a person has ever attempted suicide, information about the circumstances surrounding the attempt, are explored. Any other history allows a clearer idea of how to tackle and intervene. Sometimes professionals assess suicide risk by using an assessment scale. Recognise the signs and recall the plunge into nothing.

CALL FOR HELP—Recognising the need for attention, SAHAI, Bangalore’s first telephone helpline for people in emotional distress was started on 2nd Oct 2002. Dedicated, trained volunteer counsellors are available to answer distress calls between 10.00 a.m. and 6.00 p.m., from Monday through to Saturday. The Help Line number is 080 25497777.