You know how they say that a healthy and happy relationship is one where you don’t keep any information or detail from your partner, and share everything with them? Well, according to American therapist and couples counsellor, Jeff Guenther, this might not be true. Popularly known by his TikTok and Instagram account TherapyJeff, he talks about how there are some things that you shouldn’t be sharing with your partner. Drawing the line between unnecessary criticism and constructive feedback can be difficult, so read below to discover five things that you’re better off keeping to not sharing with your boo.
If they look bad in something (according to you)
You know those times when your partner gets a particularly bad haircut or decides to put together an outfit that looks ahem, quite unflattering? Instead of bluntly pointing it out that they don’t look good (even the most confident of us are thrown off by such remarks!), it’s best to be subtle, while offering an alternative at the same time. For instance, if you don’t like a jacket that they’re wearing, tell them that they’d look better in something else, rather than flat-out saying that the jacket makes them look bad.
Small, inconsequential things that annoy you
Yes, we agree that communicating your feelings and issues with your partner is key to a healthy relationship, but do they really need to that you find the way they brush their teeth annoying? Or the fact that they remove all the tomatoes from their sandwich before eating it? These so-called beige flags, which are not part of a broader pattern or habit that affect your relationship don’t need to be called out, and are better kept to yourself.
If a friend of yours said something mean about them
Imagine this—you’re out with your girlfriends and they mention something about your partner that’s not exactly positive. Once you’re home and narrating your day to them, do you mention that one mean comment or keep it to yourself? There is not much your partner can do about it—while they’re going to hear the criticism, it’s unlikely they’ll know the root cause or have a chance to resolve it with your friend. It’s only going to result in them feeling hurt and insecure, so why do it?
If they have bad taste (or a taste that doesn’t match yours)
Everyone tastes differ, and it’s likely that your and your partner's aesthetics might not match. When it comes to common decisions that both of you have a say in, like decorating your house, it’s important to respect each other’s tastes and come at a compromise, but if it’s something personal, like their choice in outfits or music, you’re better off not pointing it out that you don’t like it. No good is going to come out of you voicing a negative opinion about their tastes—it will just make them feel ashamed and looked down upon.
Innocent crushes that won’t affect your relationship
We’ve all gone through it. There will be someone we randomly see during our work commute or while out for dinner that will catch our eye. It’s completely natural to find someone attractive or harmless crushes even if you’re in a healthy and loving relationship. If you share everything with your partner, then reconsider if they really need to know a tiny crush that you’ll most likely forget about in a day or two, but might make them feel jealous or insecure.