You might have come across videos of people recounting weird, mildly gross habits of their dates. More often than not, it's about something seemingly ridiculous: watching someone chase a ping-pong ball, the way they chew with an open mouth, or wearing socks with sandals—that gave potential dates “the ick.” The internet has turned “the ick” into a pop-cultural phenomenon—a seemingly harmless quirk or behavior that suddenly renders someone deeply unattractive. Usually, these are material for a quick laugh. Otherwise, they bring forth a “collective ick”—some habits are universally gross, after all.
But here’s the question: Do we get the ick too easily? Are men clumsily going down slopes or playing with toy cars really that unattractive? Or are we just judgmental? And more importantly, what do our icks say about us?
The rise of the “ick”
The term “the ick” isn’t new; you’ll find it in a rewatch of shows like Ally McBeal and Sex and the City (remember The Ick Factor?). The phrase originated in the early 2000s and was used—albeit sparsely—in dating lingo to describe minor turn-offs you’d laugh about with your friends during a post-date gossip session.
Later, dating reality shows like Love Island brought it to the forefront of pop culture (if details interest you, we’re looking at Olivia Atwood from Love Island Season 3). And as with anything going “mainstream,” the ick was taken to new heights, with people now using the term to describe an almost visceral reaction to another person’s behaviour.
On the surface, the ick feels like a funny, relatable moment—“Ugh, he tied his shoelaces too earnestly, and now I can’t look at him the same!” But dig deeper, and it’s clear the ick has become a modern shorthand for rejection, often based on trivialities.
But why do we get the ick?
Psychologically, the ick is rooted in a phenomenon called “misattributed disgust.” It’s a sudden turn-off, a moment where something disrupts the way you see someone’s attractiveness or compatibility. You can think of the ick as a sister feeling to cringe. And like cringe, it’s less about the other person being judged and more about you—your insecurities, your expectations, or your fear of intimacy.
For example, getting the ick because someone trips on the sidewalk could reflect an internalized fear of clumsiness or vulnerability. Being put off by the way someone dances might say more about your discomfort with letting loose than it does about their moves. Cringing at someone being loud and boisterous often reflects your fear of being judged for being too loud yourself. In short, icks often reveal what we’re projecting onto others.
Are we too judgmental?
To be honest, it's not really your fault. In a hyper-curated digital world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting people to meet impossible standards. Social media bombards us with perfection—filtered faces, polished aesthetics, and carefully staged moments. Against this backdrop, anything remotely awkward or unpolished can feel like a dealbreaker. But let’s be real: humans are messy, and imperfection is part of the charm. If we’re rejecting someone over something as trivial as how they hold their chopsticks, are we really giving them a fair shot?
Navigating the Ick
So, how do you deal with the ick without letting it sabotage your connections? It's fairly simple, but it requires a good deal of introspection and a touch of acceptance.
Pause before you judge
When you feel the ick creeping in, ask yourself: Is this really about them, or is it about me? Taking a moment to reflect can help you separate genuine incompatibility from knee-jerk judgment.
Focus on the big picture
Nobody is perfect, and neither are you. Consider whether the behaviour giving you the ick is a dealbreaker or just a minor quirk. Are they kind? Are they reliable? Do they make you laugh? These qualities matter far more than how they eat spaghetti.
Address your insecurities
Sometimes, the ick is a mirror reflecting your own fears or flaws. If you’re constantly nitpicking others, it might be time to look inward. Therapy, self-reflection, or even just talking to a trusted friend can help you work through what’s really bothering you.
Embrace vulnerability
The ick often stems from seeing someone in a moment of unguarded humanity. Instead of recoiling, try leaning into those moments. Vulnerability is the foundation of connection, and learning to accept it in others can help you accept it in yourself.
Ultimately, the ick is a reflection of our own expectations and insecurities. While it’s okay—necessary, even—to have preferences and dealbreakers, it’s worth questioning whether we’re being fair or just looking for reasons to push people away. After all, relationships are about more than avoiding awkward moments—they’re about embracing imperfection and building something real.
So, the next time you feel the ick creeping in, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Is this about them, or is it about me? The answer might just surprise you.
Lead image credit: Pexels
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