Gen Z is choosing 'soft hermitting' over another night out

There is a very specific kind of relief that comes from cancelling plans. You know the one you’ve been looking forward to all week, then, come Saturday, and all of a sudden, the idea of showering, getting dressed, travelling somewhere, and making conversation sounds exhausting. So you send that text: “I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can make it tonight.” And instead of feeling guilty about it, you get into bed, order food, and think, yes, this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. That, in a nutshell, is “soft hermitting”.

The term has been making its way around social media as more people embrace staying home on purpose. It’s about skipping the occasional party, dinner, or catch-up because you simply want some time to yourself. Maybe you’ve had a long week. Maybe you’ve been around people all day. Maybe you just really want to wash your hair, put on your oldest T-shirt, and watch something mindless. Whatever the reason, soft hermitting gives you permission to say no without turning it into a whole dramatic thing. You’re not disappearing forever; you just don’t want to go out tonight.

We spend a lot of time feeling like we should be doing something. There’s always a plan in the group chat, someone’s birthday, a new restaurant to try, or a party you said yes to three weeks ago. And then there’s Instagram, where it can seem like everyone is constantly out having the best time.

Soft hermitting is partly a reaction to that pressure. You can have a social life and still want to spend a Saturday night alone. You can love your friends and still not want to see them every weekend. You can even look at your friends’ stories while sitting at home in your pyjamas and feel completely fine about missing out.

It also has a lot in common with JOMO, or the “joy of missing out”. Instead of worrying about what you might be missing, you’re actually enjoying what you’re doing. Maybe that means cooking something, reading, watching an entire season of a show, or doing absolutely nothing. After a busy week, doing nothing can feel pretty great.

Of course, there’s a difference between needing a quiet night and never wanting to see anyone. Taking some time out can be good for you, especially when you feel mentally drained or overstimulated. But if you keep cancelling plans, stop replying to friends, and start avoiding people because leaving the house feels like too much every single time, that’s worth paying attention to.

The whole point of soft hermitting is that it should make you feel better. You cancel the plan, spend some time alone, and eventually feel ready to go back out and see people again. If you spend every evening alone and still feel lonely, exhausted, or disconnected, you might need more than another night on the sofa.

For now, though, consider this your official permission to cancel the occasional plan. You don’t need a complicated excuse. You don’t need to pretend your cousin is visiting from another city. Sometimes “I’m tired and want to stay home” is a perfectly good reason. Put your phone on silent, order your comfort food, and enjoy your little hermit era. Your friends will survive.

Lead image: IMDb

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