#SaneGirlEra: How to survive the insufferable relatives this Diwali?

Diwali is the festival of lights, but it is also the season of “Beta, when are you getting married?” and “So, when are you giving us good news?”

You’ve cleaned the house, hung the torans, and done the puja. You’ve put on your silk saree or freshly ironed kurta and posed for the perfect couple photos (chin up, hold hands, smile wider). For a few golden minutes, everything feels right. The diyas are glowing, the mithai is out, and the house smells of ghee and marigolds.

Then the relatives arrive.

Your uncle looks you up and down and asks about your salary. Mami-ji notices you’ve “become a little healthy”. An aunty you’ve met twice in your life wants to know why there’s still no baby or wedding. And somewhere in the corner, someone is comparing you to Sharma-ji’s son, who is apparently doing everything better than you. Probably abroad.

None of it is shouted. It’s all delivered with a smile, a pinch on the cheek, and a plate of sweets. That’s what makes it so difficult to respond to. Say something, and you’re “rude”. Say nothing, and you stew over it for the rest of the evening. If your cheeks hurt from forced smiling or you’ve ever escaped to the balcony just to catch your breath, you’re not alone. Every year, plenty of people dress up, show up, and quietly count the minutes until they can go home. The festival of lights becomes a festival of “please, just don’t ask me again”.

The good news is that you don't have to choose between being polite and protecting your peace. With a little preparation, a dash of humour, and a partner who knows your “rescue me” signal, you can get through the evening and even enjoy it.

Here’s your survival guide.

Remember: It’s rarely about you

Most nosy relatives aren’t necessarily trying to hurt you. They’re running on habit, boredom, and the belief that personal questions are a way of showing love. That doesn’t excuse the questions, but it can help you stay calm. You can’t control their curiosity, only how you respond to it.

Keep a few lines ready

Improvising under pressure is hard, so prepare a few responses beforehand. Pick the tone that suits you and the relative.

“Beta, when are you getting married?”

Funny: “Aunty, I’m waiting for the right person. Do you have a trial version?”

Warm: “When it happens, you’ll be the first one I call. Save the date, but not the matchmaking biodata.”

Firm: “I’ll decide when I’m ready, and I’d love your blessings when I do.”

“When are you giving us good news?”

Funny: “The only news right now is that the gulab jamun is excellent.”

Warm: “We’re enjoying this phase. When there’s news, you’ll hear it from us.”

Firm: “That’s between the two of us, but thank you for caring.”

“Only one child? Give her a sibling!”

Funny: “One child already runs our whole life. We’re not ready for a coup.”

Warm: “Our hands are full, and our hearts are happy.”

Firm: “We’ve made our decision as a family.”

“How much do you earn?”

Funny: “Enough to afford the sweets I’m about to eat! Have you tried the kaju katli?”

Redirect: “Uncle, you’ve seen so much of the industry. What do you think of the market these days?”

Firm: “I prefer to keep that private, but work is going well, thank you.”

“You’ve put on weight” / “You’ve become so thin.”

Funny: “Festival season is doing its job. Pass the barfi.”

Warm: “I’m happy and healthy, and that’s what matters to me.”

Firm: “I’d rather not discuss my body, but how have you been?”

“Look at Sharma-ji’s son. He’s already settled abroad.”

Funny: “Good for him! I’m settled too, mostly on this sofa.”

Warm: “I’m glad he’s doing well. I’m on my own path, and I’m happy with it.”

Firm: “I don’t compare lives. Everyone’s journey is different.”

“Why isn’t your wife/husband cooking today?” / “Does she still work after marriage?”

Funny: “We split the duties. I’m in charge of eating, and so is he/she.”

Warm: “We share everything, including the kitchen and our careers.”

Firm: “That’s a choice we’ve made together, and we’re both happy with it.”

“Love marriage or arranged?”

Funny: “Love marriage, but with all the drama of an arranged one.”

Warm: “It was the best decision of our lives, however we got there.”

Rule of thumb: Use humour for light-hearted questions, warmth for relatives who mean well, and firmness for repeat offenders.

Redirect the spotlight

Questions need an answer, but they also need an audience. Turn the conversation around: “How’s your garden doing, Mausi?” or “Tell me about your Goa trip!” Most people love talking about themselves, and the attention naturally moves away from you.

Be a team 

Set a polite boundary

When humour doesn't work, be firm but warm: “That’s something we’d like to keep private, but thank you for asking.” Say it calmly, without apologising. Repeat it if needed. You can be respectful and still say no.

Plan your exits

Step outside to “take a call”. Volunteer to light the diyas. Play with the kids. Short breaks can help you keep your patience from running out.

Don’t carry it home

If a comment still stings after the party, talk it through with your partner or a friend. No one’s opinion of your life, career, or family plans is worth losing your festive joy over.

Find the one good conversation

Every family has someone warm. Seek out the cousin who gets your jokes or the grandparent with great stories, and let those conversations be what you remember.

You can’t pick your relatives, but you can pick your response. Smile, deflect, set limits when needed, and protect your peace. After a few hours, the gathering ends, and you go home to your own lights, your own people, and your own life.

Happy Diwali! May your sweets be plentiful and your awkward questions few.

Sane Girl Era is our column featuring relatable advice to help Cosmo readers navigate the chaos of everyday life. This edition brings you clever comebacks and practical tips to handle nosy relatives, awkward questions, and unsolicited advice this Diwali.

Meghna Karia is a psychologist, psychotherapist, and mental health trainer, trained and certified in REBT from the Albert Ellis Institute. She specialises in treating addiction, eating disorders, anxiety, relationship concerns, corporate stress, and existential crises.

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