How to handle mutual friend groups when your ex is in the mix

Breakups are tough, and if that isn’t heartbreaking enough, things get even more challenging when you and your ex share a common group of friends. In such situations, you’re likely to bump into them at social events, parties, or gatherings, which can stir up old feelings, awkwardness, or tension. The way you handle these encounters not only impacts your emotional well-being but also your relationships with your friends.

Here are some pointers on how to navigate this, maintain your peace of mind, and preserve your friendships.

Set boundaries at the very beginning

After a breakup, being around your ex can trigger painful memories. If you’re not ready to engage with them or see them at every social gathering, let your friends know. It’s important to be clear and respectful about your boundaries. Remember, you can always say no if you know they’ll be there. Take a step back and create space until you feel emotionally ready. You could also speak directly to your ex about these boundaries—just be kind when doing so.

 

Don’t put yourself in awkward situations

If seeing your ex is too difficult, don’t feel pressured to attend every social gathering just to prove a point or keep the peace. Prioritise your mental and emotional health by giving yourself the space you need to heal. You can still maintain your friendships by meeting friends individually or in smaller settings where your ex isn't present. If they’re true friends, they’ll understand and respect your decision.

Handle the group dynamic with maturity

Avoid putting mutual friends in the middle of conflicts or awkwardness. It’s difficult for them to maintain relationships with both of you without feeling caught in the middle. Don’t badmouth your ex or gossip about them in front of your friends—it only creates tension and makes things uncomfortable for everyone.

There will be tension, so be prepared

No matter how well you prepare, some awkwardness is inevitable. You and your ex shared memories and experiences, so it’s completely normal to feel something when you see them again. If negative emotions like anger or sadness arise, take a deep breath and remind yourself that healing takes time.

It’s also important to be yourself rather than pretending nothing happened. It’s okay to feel uneasy—what matters is managing those feelings with grace and not letting them affect your behaviour toward others in the group. Over time, the tension will likely ease as everyone adjusts, but in the meantime, be patient with yourself.

Know when it’s time to let go

At some point, you may realise that being around your ex and your mutual friend group is no longer healthy or fulfilling. If seeing your ex is affecting your well-being and personal growth, it may be time to reassess your involvement. Letting go doesn’t mean abandoning your friends, but rather recognising that some relationships have changed and need to evolve.

You don’t have to stay in a situation that feels toxic. Maintaining a healthy distance—or even stepping away from the group—can be the best choice for you. Prioritising your mental health should always come first.

Lead image: Getty Images

Also read: How to give yourself closure and heal after a breakup

Also read: How my breakup gave me a sense of clarity