Your ultimate playbook for dating with intention

When you really take a step back, dating isn’t as hard as we make it out to be. We love to say "dating is impossible these days," but is it really? Or have we just overcomplicated it? Sure, the apps can be exhausting, the mixed signals are frustrating, and ghosting stings, but at its core, dating is still about two people connecting. That hasn’t changed. What has changed is the way we approach it—overthinking every text, analysing every move, and treating love like some impossible puzzle to crack.

But here’s the thing: if you strip away the noise, set your mind right, and stop looking for reasons why it won’t work, you’ll realise that finding your love isn’t as impossible as it seems. It’s not about playing the game; it’s about being clear on what you want, being intentional, and keeping things simple. So, if you’re a 20-something trying to navigate modern dating without spiralling into existential dread, here’s how to do it right.

Be clear on what you want

Before you start blaming dating for being a mess, ask yourself—do you actually know what you want? A relationship? Something casual? Just figuring things out? The biggest reason people end up in situationships or emotionally draining connections is because they go in without clarity. Be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for, and don’t settle for less just because it’s convenient.

Stick to it

Once you know what you want, don’t waver. If you’re looking for something serious, don’t entertain people who just want to “go with the flow.” If you’re not into casual dating, stop saying yes to situations that will only leave you confused. The moment you start making exceptions, you invite unnecessary complications. Staying true to what you want saves you time, energy, and heartache.

Stop getting into hookups that lead nowhere

If you know you want something real, don’t keep getting caught in situations that only bring temporary excitement and long-term confusion. Hookups aren’t the problem—getting into them when you know you want something more is. If you constantly find yourself attached to people who aren’t giving you what you need, it’s time to break the cycle.

Think about your future with the person you’re seeing

At some point, you have to stop dating just for the sake of it and start thinking about whether the person you’re seeing actually aligns with your future. Are they someone you could see yourself growing with? Do they share your values? Do they treat you the way you’d want to be treated long-term? It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but if you’re looking for something real, the future matters.

Keep your future in mind, even outside of dating

Your love life shouldn’t distract you from your bigger goals. The relationship you’re in (or the person you’re pursuing) should fit into the life you’re building, not pull you away from it. If they’re causing more stress than happiness, or if they don’t align with the kind of future you want, they might not be the right person for you.

Set your standards high—bare minimum is not enough

Your friends see things you might miss, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new connection. Surround yourself with people who will call you out when you’re making excuses for red flags or settling for less than you deserve. The right friends will remind you of your worth, hold you accountable, and help you navigate dating without losing yourself in the process.

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not

One of the easiest ways to complicate dating is by trying to mould yourself into what someone else wants. If you have to downplay your personality, change your opinions, or suppress your needs to keep someone interested, they’re not for you. The right person will want you—exactly as you are.

At the end of the day, dating only feels complicated when you let the wrong people, expectations, and behaviours take up space in your life. Know what you want, stay true to it, and don’t settle for anything less than the connection you deserve.

Lead image: Netflix

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