Is your partner the cause of your relationship burnout, or are you draining yourself?

Here’s how to recognise the difference and work towards finding the balance.

11 March, 2025
Is your partner the cause of your relationship burnout, or are you draining yourself?

It’s completely natural to feel exhausted and/or tired in a long-term relationship. What we’re talking about here is relationship burnout. This takes place when the emotional demands and challenges of a relationship start taking their toll, resulting in the individual feeling overwhelmed, drained out, or disconnected from their partner. While one would feel the occasional stress in relationships, burnout is something that stays for a long time. This is why it’s important to know and understand if your partner is draining you or if you are draining yourself in order to identify the root cause of burnout and address it in a healthy and constructive way.

Is your partner draining you?

When your partner is draining you, you might feel overwhelmed by their needs or perhaps feel that they’re emotionally unavailable or inconsistent. Due to their emotional unavailability, they may not be offering emotional support when you need it, leaving you to deal with issues on your own. Their constant need for validation and reassurance, only for them to not reciprocate the same, might make you start feeling emotionally depleted. Them displaying toxic behaviour—constant criticism, gaslighting, or manipulating—can create a sense of walking on eggshells and lead to emotional exhaustion. If you’re the only one in the relationship who’s putting in the efforts while your partner doesn’t even do the bare minimum, the imbalance created can lead to burnout.

Are you draining yourself? 

On the other hand, if you are draining yourself, the exhaustion may arise from internal sources—such as your own expectations, over-commitment (emotionally, financially, or physically), placing unrealistic expectations on yourself, the fear of conflict, or neglecting your self-care. In some instances, individuals can become so focused on the relationship that they neglect their own needs, leading to burnout. In such cases, the exhaustion is not primarily because of the partner's behaviour but rather because of the emotional strain one places on them.

If you recognise that you are draining yourself, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate how much emotional energy you are investing in the relationship versus how much you are investing in yourself. Setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and ensuring that you prioritise your own self-care can help you regain balance and prevent burnout.

Striking the right balance 

Whether your partner is draining you or you are draining yourself, relationship burnout requires attention and action. Sometimes, partners unknowingly contribute to each other's burnout, while other times, one partner may struggle with setting boundaries or taking care of themselves, which leads to emotional depletion. Speaking to your partner about your feelings, frustrations, and needs can create the space to find solutions that work for both of you. It's also crucial to engage in self-reflection and recognize areas where you may be overextending yourself or neglecting your own emotional needs.

Ultimately, maintaining a healthy relationship requires a balance of effort, self-care, and mutual support. If both partners are aware of each other's emotional needs and work together to maintain their well-being, relationship burnout can be avoided or managed effectively.

Lead image: Netflix

Also read: Manifestation burnout: What happens when trying too hard backfires?

Also read: Are you the walking red flag in your relationship?

Also read: 5 red flags you should watch out for in the initial dating phase

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