Why you can’t heal in the same group chat that hurt you

Our girl group chats have been an emotional support lifeline for many of us for a very long time. They've always had our backs, given us endless inside jokes and discussions over questionable dating choices, and of course, the occasional “Girl get me out of this date please.” But when that camaraderie disintegrates into a single underwhelming response like “damn” to your paragraph-long rant about your ex cheating on you, it’s officially crossed into toxic territory, and it’s not doing your well-being any favours.

These group chats have long been our cornerstones of free therapy and unhinged support, while also doubling as detective groups when you need answers fast. But somewhere between “girl, he sucks” and “who’s bringing the alc tonight?”, being a part of these groups starts to feel less like comfort and more like chaos. Still, it’s only fair to give them the benefit of the doubt, which is why we’ve broken down the red flags, level by level, to help you figure out if your group chat has stopped serving you, and what you can actually do about it.

Because at the end of the day, trying to heal in a group chat that’s forgotten what ‘being there for you’ means is like applying roasted garlic to a fresh wound.

Level 1: The emoji evidence

You’re no stranger to heartbreak at the hands of a man who pursued you first, only to backtrack with the classic “I’m not ready to commit.” And you’ve probably lived through it more than once. In a healthy group chat, your friends would talk you through it, maybe even connect the dots to deeper patterns. But when you pour out your feelings in a long paragraph about him soft-launching his “childhood best friend,” and the only response you get is a “💀” or “ouch,” we have a problem. Suddenly, what feels like a major life crisis to you has been reduced to meme fodder.

Level 2: Avengers assemble, but selectively

The one redeeming part of breakups is the way your friends rally around you—armed with ice cream, solidarity, and the kind of fiery loyalty even Captain America would envy. But if your heartbreak is brushed off with a “that sucks” or a casual “you’ll be fine, just find another one,” while someone else’s breakup gets the full Avengers Assemble treatment—background music included—it’s time to reevaluate. If your pain doesn’t warrant the same energy, you’re not really one of their priorities.

Level 3: You’re ruining brunch, girl

The clearest sign of a group chat gone bad shows up in real life. Picture this: it’s Sunday brunch after a tough week; maybe work stress, maybe family drama, maybe your ex getting with someone close. You’re two mimosas in, your tolerance is on leave, and your friends are busy planning the next Goa trip when you finally blurt that Goa might not be the best idea right now. But instead of an “Why, is everything okay?” you get a “Come on, we’ve been planning this for months. Fresh air and alcohol will fix it.” Translation: you’re killing the vibe. At that point, it’s not just brunch that’s ruined; it’s the friendship dynamic too. 

The verdict

Leaving a toxic group chat may feel awkward, but it’s far less damaging than staying in one that chips away at your peace of mind. Therapy might still be on the horizon, but at least it won’t be because your support system failed you. Remember the three B’s—block, break away, and Beyoncé. Blocking isn’t petty; it’s self-preservation, and Beyoncé's Lemonade makes for the perfect soundtrack. Once you step out, fill that space with things that are yours alone: pick up a hobby, dive into books, give meditation a try, or head out for a hot-girl walk or run, if that’s what makes you happy. 

Remember, healing isn’t a group project. It’s personal. Respect your own time and energy, and others will follow suit. As Taylor Swift wisely said, “Think of your energy as if it’s expensive. As if it’s a luxury item. Not everyone can afford it.” Live by that, and you won’t need to block another group chat again.

Lead image credit: Netflix 

Also read: The quiet heartbreak of being the friend who’s left behind ft. Max Baker from ‘Ginny & Georgia’

Also read: Here's how you can end a toxic friendship without any guilt or drama