The 13 Stages of Texting in a Relationship

Relationships are beautiful when they begin, full of mystery and sex and slightly provocative texts 12 of your friends read over before you send them. The mystery soon fades, and gives way to more honest and open communication often in the form of disgusting texts about gas and chores. Below is a comprehensive chronicle of how you text in a relationship.

​1. Pre-dating. When you're crushing hard and want to give the impression you're a strong, independent woman who never poops and is just the right amount of thirsty.

2. One month. Your thirst for each other is mutual and constant. You are still a poop-free unicorn goddess.

3. Two months. You're chill enough to proofread your own texts, dammit. And too happy to care.​

4. Three months. You're not sure when you started texting each other the alien emoji every time you see a basset hound in a sweater but hahaha, Jason is so funny and Inside Jokes are the best.​

5. Five months. When did you become The Couple Who Clings to Each Other Like Koala Bears? 

6. Six months. Happiness.

7. Seven months. Just so happy. 

8. Eight months. Nothing matters more than each other. And spending time together. ​​

9. Nine months. ​Shit gets real.

10. 1 year. It gets even Realer.​

12. Two years. You look back fondly on the days you were social and laugh about your long-lost youth.

13. Lots of years. Forever is a given and so is someone to do chores in exchange for fun sex.

Follow Tess on Twitter.​