Boost Your Bond in 90 Minutes

The time you have with boo before you go to sleep is a great opportunity to focus on just each other, says NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter, who coaches people on their love lives. People tend to be less stressed during the pre-zzz’s wind-down than they do during their rushed morning routines. But many also get sucked into a show. A recent study confirms that streaming activity peaks between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m., right in the middle of what could be ideal QT. Using an hour or so before bed, to interact with your partner, can help you both relax, sleep better, and wake
up feeling way closer. So, ditch the tech a few nights a week in favour of one of these activities, which have the potential to spark major intimacy.

1. As you're winding down...

Pour yourself some wine, tea, whatever, and sit down at the kitchen table as if it’s the new, most exclusive date spot in town. “At first, you think, ‘This is awkward. What are we going to talk about?’” says NYC-based psychotherapist, marriage counsellor, and couples therapist Jean Fitzpatrick. But this is an ideal time to have each other’s undivided attention, and research shows that when you and your partner open up to each other, it can make you feel more connected. Although you don’t need to rehash everything. Just start with a 10-minute chat and sip to share one upbeat thing each (such as a work win or a great phone call with your BFF). Before you know it, you both will be craving this special catch-up over bevs...and lingering longer.

SAY ‘YOU’RE CUTE...I LIKE YOU’
That smirk babe gave you when you left for the gym this morning was so sexy. And now look at them move your car in the pouring rain... What a gem! When you’re getting ready to call it a night, make sure to say something like ‘Thank you for doing that earlier’, to let them know you appreciate the small things they do. “This does two things: one, it makes you happier because you’re seeing the good,” says Jean, “and two, it makes them feel appreciated.” Both create good vibes to hit the sheets with.

2. Once you're in the bedroom

HOST A VIP BOOK CLUB
Take turns reading a super-enticing novel aloud to each other, suggests NYC-based sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming. (Go for an erotic tale with The Chateau by Tiffany Reisz, or revisit a series such as Harry Potter). Studies have found that reading lowers stress, and that sharing a book with bae can actually make you feel closer and more united.

3. When it's light out

SHACK UP OUTSIDE

RUB 'em the right way before dozing off, scratch your partner's back, stroke their hair, or have them massage your back or shoulders. Want more? Hug it out for a full 20 seconds, suggests Jean. Touching for that long has been shown to elevate levels of the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin, which is all in on boosting your bond.

GO TO SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME
A University of Pittsburgh study found that the day after a simul-sooze (yep, making that a word), women report feeling better about their interactions with their male partners. Hit the
hay together a few nights a week, or if your schedules are crazy, one of you can at least tuck the other in, says Jean.

 

Your best bonding weekend

It’s a ritual every new couple goes through when sleepovers become de rigueur: claiming our half of the bed. One person likes the cool breeze by the window; the other needs to be closer to the bathroom for middle-of-the-night pee trips. Which zone you choose doesn’t suggest anything deeper about your dynamic. However, once you pick, don’t swap sides. Sleeping in your usual spot can be reassuring, and may help promote a sense of safety and security in your relationship, says NYC-based marriage counselor Jean Fitzpatrick.