Think sex toys are bad for your sex life? Think again

Sex toys have gone from something you’d probably never admit to owning to a perfectly normal part of many people’s sex lives. And yet, despite how much more openly we talk about pleasure now, there’s still a surprising amount of misinformation floating around. From the fear that using a vibrator will somehow ruin partnered sex to the idea that sex toys are a sign that something is missing from your relationship, there are plenty of myths that refuse to die.

So, let’s clear a few things up, shall we? 

Myth: Sex toys are the best thing ever

Reality: They can be great, but they’re not a magic ticket to mind-blowing sex.

People love to talk about sex toys like buying one automatically means they’ve unlocked a whole new level of pleasure. In reality, everyone responds differently. What feels amazing to one person might feel uncomfortable, underwhelming, or just plain unnecessary to someone else. A toy is simply another way to explore what feels good. There’s no pressure to use one, and there’s certainly no requirement for it to be part of every sexual experience.

Myth: You’ll stop enjoying “normal” sex after using one

Reality: Using a sex toy doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly become incapable of enjoying sex without it.

Some people worry that once they get used to a vibrator or another type of stimulation, sex without one will feel boring by comparison. But sexual pleasure isn’t an either-or situation. You can enjoy different kinds of stimulation for different reasons, and what feels good can also change depending on your mood, arousal and the situation. Think of it less as replacing anything and more as adding another option to the mix.

Myth: Sex toys will desensitise you

Reality: This one is a little more complicated than the internet makes it sound.

You may temporarily notice that a particular type of stimulation feels less intense immediately after prolonged or vigorous use. But that’s not the same thing as permanently damaging your sensitivity. If a toy starts feeling uncomfortable, causes numbness, or leaves you feeling sore, that’s your cue to take a break, change the intensity or switch things up. As with pretty much everything involving your body, more isn’t automatically better.

Myth: Using a toy when you’re in a relationship means your relationship is failing

Reality: Your sex toy isn’t secretly writing a breakup letter to your partner.

Using a toy while you’re in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean you’re dissatisfied with your partner or that something is missing. Plenty of couples use toys together, while others enjoy them individually. Masturbation and partnered sex can coexist perfectly well. In fact, bringing a toy into partnered sex can simply be another way of exploring pleasure together. The important part is communication and making sure everyone involved is comfortable with it.

Myth: Using a sex toy will make you hypersexual

Reality: Owning a sex toy says absolutely nothing about how much sex you want.

A woman’s sexual pleasure is often treated as evidence of being “too sexual”, not something you see a lot when it comes to men's pleasure. But having a vibrator, masturbating, or enjoying sex doesn’t automatically mean you have an unusually high sex drive. Your libido is personal. So is how often you want to have sex or masturbate. A sex toy is just an object. It doesn’t suddenly change your personality, your libido, or your relationship with sex.

Myth: Sex toys aren’t the “real thing”

Reality: There’s no prize for making pleasure unnecessarily difficult.

The idea that sex involving a toy somehow counts less is based on a pretty narrow definition of what sex and pleasure are supposed to look like. Sex toys aren’t trying to replace intimacy, connection, or a partner. They’re tools that can be used on your own or with someone else. And honestly, pleasure doesn’t become less real just because a little silicone helped you get there.

At the end of the day, a sex toy is just a tool, not a threat to your sex life, relationship or libido. So, if it feels good, is used safely and everyone involved is on board, there’s really no scandal here. Your vibrator is not plotting against your boyfriend.

Lead image: Pexels 

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