What do women want in a partner?
From the many discussions I’ve had, most lists go something like this: ‘Sense of Humour’, ‘Success’, ‘Intelligence’, ‘Honesty’, ‘A Love for Travel’, ‘Loyalty’, ‘Chemistry’, ‘Generosity’, ‘Must Own a Horse’ (I kid you not, I couldn’t make that up even if I wanted to)...
But while all these traits are great—even vital—I’d like you to consciously consider an oft-missed quality. A quality that should really be number-one on your list, underlining the rest...kindness.
Kindness is that one ingredient that can literally make or break a relationship. For one, it’s a predictor of many other desirable personality traits—warmth, trustworthiness, compassion, and generosity, which usually hang out in the same territory. When a man treats you—and others around him—with consideration; when he has the ability to focus outwards, beyond his own needs and wants, it’s a good sign that he has what it takes to make a long-term relationship work. A kind dude is more likely to offer help and support, consider your feelings, and have a solid support system.
But this is also an interpersonal skill that will matter when things get tough, which will happen, sweet-pea. Because a kind partner is less likely to hit below the belt during a fight, or push things to a point of no-return, or have no remorse after the dust settles. And, most relationship experts agree, when partners are kinder to each other, they are also less likely to split because it’s significantly easier to resolve conflicts when you’re not coming from a mean, selfish place.
It’s important to realise that kindness is not an automatic response for many people, which is why you must consciously search for that quality in prospective beaus. It’s also important to know that this goodwill works both ways, so if you’re not a terribly considerate person yourself, get to work on that, stat.
While we’re on the subject, I’d like to make a note of a few other qualities that might have missed the list: reliability, accountability, good conflict resolution skills, emotional intelligence, equality, authenticity... Now just throw in a horse, and you’re good to go.