Here's How to Get In A Sexy State of Mind

TRAVEL DOWN MEMORY LANE

Go back and think of three mind-blowing, super-steamy sessions from your past, and compare them to three meh ones, suggests Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are. Consider the who, what, when, where and why of each, then focus on all the ‘that was awesome’ parts to bring out your inner horndog.

ALTER YOUR ENVIRONMENT

Making your environment sex-positive helps your brain feel that way too. Worried your housemate will walk in? Lock the door, or pick a time when she’s away. Nervous that mom might call? Set your phone to ‘Do Not Disturb’. That way, all you have to think about is the good feels between you and your lovah.

DRESS THE PART

We all know wearing a hot pair of cheekies will make you feel sexy AF. And a 2011 survey shows that some women who wore fug undies (you know, the ones with the broken elastic that you’ve had since...school?) said it actually busted their mood. Opting for a G-string can prime your brain for booty.

1. It highlights a sense of urgency.
If you’re in such dire need of tearing each other’s clothing off right now, you are unlikely to pause to dress up in fishnets/break out the sex swing/come up with a crazy new role-play scenario. What could be sexier than wanting—and being wanted by—another person so fervently that it’s
all you can do to even get to the bedroom? Here and there, I find needing to have sex with somebody ASAP does not even allow for positions beyond simple missionary. Immediacy leads to sex that won’t leave anyone wishing it had been anything but what it was: hot and passionate.

2. You can really focus on the feelings.

When you go at it without contraptions focused on each other’s nuances—instead of worrying about whether you’re cycling through all the buzz modes on your vibe. When I’m having the best ever sex with J,

I’m rarely planning my next move. Instead, I’m just zeroed in on the rad things we’re actually doing and responding accordingly. I can take stock of how he reacts when I touch him harder or more lightly, slower or faster, or in one certain place. Our bodies are toys! Just pay attention to how your boo breathes, moves and reacts to get him to an amazing O.

3. It reminds you that hot sex doesn’t have to be kinky.
If you’re just getting comfortable in bed together, you don’t need to double-down on dirty talk or pretzel-like positions to feel incredible. Just saying ‘I love it when
you touch me like that’ is insanely hot. It’s also a vote of confidence. It makes me feel even closer to J knowing that we can be so very into each other without (literally) bending over backwards.

4. If you're usually into a different kind of sex, going back to basics can be a nice diversion
If you’re into being experimental and naked at the same time, choosing to have sex in its most basic, stripped-down format is one of the most transgressive and surprising things you can do for both yourself and your partner(s). I really like having conventional sex because, after years of freaky-deaky behaviour, it feels more subversive. It’s actually really refreshing to take a bit of a breather from reaching into the nightstand drawer every time I want to have interesting, intimate, stand-out sex. It even increases my appreciation for the times when I do want to break out the electrically- charged fingertip vibes.

By Amy Rose Spiegel

This article was published in August 2016 issue of Cosmopolitan India