Important! This is the Time to Care More, Not Less by Sonali Bendre Behl

Ever since her battle with metastatic cancer, actor and author Sonali Bendre Behl has been tirelessly working towards creating awareness about the disease and its treatment. In an exclusive tete-a-tete, she tells us how cancer made her realise the power of kindness and human connection. Amidst the current crisis, Sonali has an important message for every person reading this—that it is time to watch out for people in our ecosystem and offer whatever help we can. “We may feel we are insignificant in the larger scheme of things,” she tells Cosmo India, “but it’s these small acts that add up drops to the ocean.”

 

 

Cosmo: How important is it for all of us to be kinder during the times of crisis?

Sonali Bendre: “It’s always a good time to give back, it’s not just about now. As for me, it’s not a new situation. The only newness is that everyone else is in isolation, too. Two years ago, I was barely meeting anyone. I constantly sanitized my hands, wore a mask and was neuro-compromised, wasn’t going out. I stepped out occasionally for a walk, and would meet absolute strangers, who would be kind to me on the road. Their kindness made a huge difference to my day. It made me think, do we really need to have someone dying to show some kindness? The same rule applies to our current situation; we don’t really need a crisis to be kind. We can just be kind.”

Cosmo: How can all of us stay calm and look after our mental health when we are being inundated with negative news every hour?

SB: “The first thing one needs to do is go on a media detox, which basically means being categorical about what you hear or read. Stay away from doomsday scenarios; if it’s happening, all of us are in it together. But we are ruining our days by thinking of the terrible things that will come tomorrow. I know that won’t help me with my day. And I believe that anything that doesn’t help me deal with the day should be cut off, and that includes people. Switch off from people who are sending you negative messages. Don’t look at social media for a day or two. Get involved in something, stay busy. Do a physical activity that takes your mind off things. Meditation helps, breathe and meditate.”

Cosmo: Many of us forget that we still have access to basic luxuries like a roof over our heads and food on the table. This is something millions of others don't have. What are some of the ways we can help those in need?

SB: “What I understood from my illness is that as human beings, we tend to get overwhelmed. We feel this will never happen to us, we give people a cheque and feel our work is done. But now my perspective has changed. I need to do something more personal than just a cursory check-up. Always remember that a small drop in the ocean can make a difference. I urge you to contribute to the PM or chief minister’s fund, give whatever you can to charities that are doing good work. Many of us have help at home, so in a time like this we need to take care of our unit, our ecosystem. Give them a little extra than their salary because everything is going to be a little expensive this month. Give them the confidence, tell them they needn’t go back to their villages, they can stay here. Taking care of the people in need, around us, can make a huge difference.”

Cosmo: Are there any stories of kindness that have inspired you?

SB: “Every story of kindness is inspirational. I work with Angel Express Foundation, which supports first- generation learners of slum dwellers. These children go to municipal schools, they come from uneducated parents. So once in a week, volunteers of the foundation dedicate two hours to ensure that the children do their homework. They help them with English and maths. Just doing this little thing reduces drop-out levels at schools. Their chances of finding a white collared job increases multifold. In Sonali’s Book Club, we set up a mini library for these children. We encourage them to read for 15 minutes before they go to bed. These acts of kindness, where you give your time, are more heartfelt than anything else.”

 

 

Cosmo: Kindness can also mean checking up on friends and acquaintances, especially those living alone or battling anxiety or depression…

SB: “If you are kind to others and make an effort to do something positive, it will take your attention away from the grim situation and make you feel good about yourself. Help people who can’t step out, like the elderly. Arrange groceries and medicines for them—just call up and connect with them. If you stay with them, spend more time with them...”

Cosmo: And are there any organizations that you are aware of, who are doing good work?

SB: “There are a lot of people doing a lot of things. Every time I feel someone is doing something authentic, I share the information on my social media handle. You can put out a Tweet about who is doing what, but unless you know for sure, it can get overwhelming. It’s important to verify organizations before choosing a particular one. But if you do not know of any organization, just step out and feed the dogs on the streets.”

Cosmo: And what about kindness towards nature?

SB: “The amount of bird calls that I can hear and the squirrels I see running around are a lot more than how things were 10 days ago. This is a lesson for all of us. We have taken nature for granted. It’s time to give back and save the planet. As we go through this phase, I plan to introduce some major changes in my own life. For instance, taking bucket baths instead of showers. And buying local… These will be my drops in the ocean.”