Important rules to follow if you’re in a polyamorous relationship

It takes two to tango, and much more if you’re in a polyamorous relationship—one where three or more people maintain an emotionally (and physically) intimate relationship. While it can be great for all parties involved, as they foray into relationships with different people for different needs, things can get very messy and there is a good chance of distance and misunderstandings coming in between those involved. 

We love all things love, whether it’s self-love, between two people, or more. With there being rules to most things in life, members of a polyamorous relationship have them as well.

Communicate and let it be known how much you want to share each other

How much do you want to know about the partners in your partner’s life? And how much do they want to know about the same when it comes to you? These are some of the very first questions that need answering when people find themselves part of a polyamorous relationship. It’s all about comfort levels at the end of the day and finding that sweet spot with the many people part of this circle is what could make and break it. You’d also want to keep a couple of things private and just between the two of you. 

Make time for just the two of you

Even if you’re in a polyamorous relationship, you may have a favourite person. It’s absolutely fine to be and feel territorial with your partner here and let them know that they’re your number one on this list. You can do things that are just for the two of you and no one else (and that should be the case from their side as well). It’ll be horrible if your special date is at the same spot where your partner takes their top choice. 

Set boundaries

Relationships are all about respect. But things are a whole lot different here. There will come a point where you’ll just have to accept and make peace with the fact that your partner will be spending time with their boyfriends or girlfriends—and make sure that they are content with you doing the same. What you could do is set a date and time to do things with different people. One day where it’s you and the two people that your partner is seeing, the other day it could be three, the next day just the two of you. You give respect to get respect, that’s how it should always be and work. 

Respect your partner’s partners

Adding to the respect point stated above, you don’t just need to respect your partners, but also the choices and the people they are with as well. You having cold vibes will drive your partner away or give them the feeling that you’re not the right person they want to be with. That said, this doesn’t mean that you have to be someone you’re not. Keeping things respectful and maintaining a safe distance is the key to a successful polyamorous relationship. 

Keep your expectations realistic

Nothing is permanent in life. The same goes for relationships, be it with one person or multiple people. With many people involved in a polyamorous relationship, it’s always best to have your feet on the ground and know that your partner might one day decide to be monogamous with their other partner and break up with you (the same could happen with you too). 

Keep some time for yourself

When your partner decides to hang out with their special someone and their plus ones or two’s, use this solo time to do the things that you wanted to, but don’t get the time for. Take, for example, meeting your friends, spending time with family, doing some chores, or treating yourself to something fancy. 
After all these rules, the golden rule that must be stated is that no matter the number of people involved, the quality of the relationship must always matter more than the quantity. 

Practice ethical non-monogamy

It’s extremely important to do things taking consent into account. This basically means that all parties involved should know and agree to what kind of relationship they’re getting into. There must be absolutely no scope for cheating or engaging in non-consensual non-monogamy.

P.S: Last, but certainly not least, with multiple partners involved here, please practice safe sex