#SaneGirlEra: Anxious, exhausted, overstimulated? Here's a toolkit to calm your nervous system

Imagine this: you walk into a conference room where you have to give a presentation or attend an important meeting and speak up. Suddenly, you notice your chest tightening and your mouth feeling dry. You feel the heaviness in your neck and on your shoulders. These are not just feelings. It is your nervous system talking. The nervous system governs your heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, and the quality of your social engagement in different situations. It reacts to life’s situations before you even have a clear thought about it. It helps to pay attention and understand how your nervous system reacts to various situations. Then you can learn to regulate it better. 

Let’s consider some real-life examples.

Suppose there is a work deadline you don’t think you can meet. Your heart might start racing, breathing may become shallow, and your palms might get cold and/or sweaty.

Maybe there is some conflict and confrontation, and you are not sure what to say. This is when your nervous system starts reacting. Maybe your jaw feels tight, you suddenly get snappy, and you become extremely reactive towards the other person.

Say you are experiencing grief and loss after a break-up or have lost a job, and you feel like crying, you feel numb, exhausted, and completely disconnected. This is where your body wants to shut down completely.

The nervous system reacts very differently to loneliness and isolation, too. When you are experiencing prolonged loneliness, your nervous system may perceive it as a threat. Your cortisol levels might rise, you may experience disturbed sleep, and your body may view social engagement as a threat, leading to isolation and disconnection. 

This distress is not and should not be the constant state of your nervous system. Here are the three states in which the nervous system usually operates. The illustration below will help you understand it better. 

Safety and connection
This is a state where you feel safe, connected, grounded, socially engaged in a peaceful way, and able to enjoy being in the present. This is the “rest and connect” state.

Fight or flight
This is a state in which you feel anxious, irritable, wired, or reactive. You feel like either escaping or being defensive. 

Shutdown or freeze
This is a state where you can feel numb, heavy, and spaced out. You may also feel disconnected, and it’s more of a shutdown state where your body is assuming it’s not safe. 

These states are not conscious choices—they’re automatic. And they’re shaped by past or present trauma, past attachment, and chronic stress that you face at work and in your personal life. 

So how should you respond to these situations and regulate your nervous system?

Here are 9 microhabits that can be useful every day.

1. Set actionable intentions for the day

Be specific about what you intend to do during the day, including the time, task details, and exactly how you want to execute it. Details of execution help the mind stay well prepared and active until the task is done. Being proactive calls for some prep work beforehand, which makes the execution of a task or specific activity swift. 

2. Slow down 

Slowing down calms the nervous system and sends a message of safety to the brain. You can also follow a pause routine. Before entering the meeting, take a pause and take three deep, slow breaths. Before starting to eat, check in with how your body is feeling. Pausing helps the body to feel safe. Say a small prayer or affirmations in the mind between days. Walk slowly, eat slowly, and respond slowly. These small habits help you to feel calm and in control of your emotions. 

3. Set the tone for the day

How we start the day helps us to set the tone for the day. If we have watched a lot of content the previous night or have woken up to multiple alarms and snoozes, it can leave our bodies feeling stressed at the start of the day, which sends the brain a signal of danger. This makes one feel jittery, anxious, and out of control. So the key here is to start your day with morning rituals like meditation, reading, praying, exercising, a low-carb breakfast, listening to happy music, and cutting out caffeine in the morning, which will help you set the tone for the day. 

4. Include rest in your schedule

Do not schedule your day back-to-back, with every hour blocked. Every moment does not have to be filled with work tasks. Allow yourself to schedule an hour to rest, check in, and recover between days. Research shows that your body performs best when 10 per cent of your day is scheduled for rest. You could consider a scheduled relaxation menu: 15 minutes of meditation per day. 10 minutes in the day for stretching. After lunch, go for a 15-minute stroll, maybe take a colleague along, or just go by yourself and listen to some music. Set aside 20 minutes to unwind when you get home. You can do a fun activity, look up at the sky and take a moment to watch the sunset, or maybe watch your favourite show for 30 min. Cuddle your child, play with your pet, express gratitude, talk to a friend who inspires you.

5. Check in on your emotions

It’s important to check in with yourself a few times a day and ask how your body feels. Observe your body’s physical sensations, and stretch during work hours. You can also check your posture, breathing, and emotions. You can ask yourself how you are feeling at the moment and label your feelings. For example, “I am feeling shut down,” “I am feeling anxious,” “I am excited for the event”. This will help you to be fully aware of what is happening in your mind. The Emotions Wheel is a very useful tool for identifying and labelling your emotions. Gently, you can move on to your needs, asking, “Am I thirsty?” “Am I hungry?” “Do I need rest and a short break?” “Am I breathing okay?” Meeting your needs well supports your nervous system. 

6. Build safety nets

This is about counteracting hypervigilance by restoring your sense of safety. When your brain is scanning for danger, you are going to tell yourself that this space is safe enough. If you are at work, sitting in your cabin or cubicle, or in a meeting, just before you start your work, turn your head and look around, ground yourself in that space, and say you are completely safe. You can name the three things you can see, hear, and feel. The aim is to help your mind come to the present moment. What can also help is using healing affirmations such as “I am safe enough,” “I am completely protected”. You can also carry an anchor object or a prayer book, whatever resonates with you and makes you feel safe. 

7. Build skills to recover from triggers

There will always be triggers that affect you. It could be an upsetting event, a not-so-good meeting, an email, a conversation with a family member or a friend, which may trigger a plethora of emotions. To regulate your emotions and behaviour, try a few activities. Apply an essential oil, eat a sour candy, have a refreshing beverage, use wet wipes to clean your face, or listen to soothing music. These small, short, quick, scientifically proven hacks will make you feel safe, calm, and grounded and help you bounce back. Another tool that may help you is drawing the problem on a piece of paper. Writing your thoughts in a journal, talking it out with someone who makes you feel emotionally safe, or leaving a voice note are a few more ways to reengage with a sense of safety. 

8. Expand your tolerance

You can expand your tolerance by taking on activities that put you a little outside your comfort zone. Like exercise, fasting (approved by a nutritionist), and cold-water exposure will expand your nervous system’s ability to tolerate stress. Allowing yourself to tackle a difficult task you couldn’t do before and trying again until you can accomplish it also helps you handle stress better. 

9. Wind down with intention

Having an intentional evening wind-down schedule is important for your nervous system. Some effective, soothing, intentional night rituals include a somatic release ritual (where you lie down and rub yourself with warm oil), a foot soak, tapping, and a few other somatic release practices. Practising gratitude every day before you sleep. Working on muscle relaxation via meditation apps and safe-space visualisations. Lighting a candle, slowing down your day, and taking a saltwater bath are a few more effective practices for feeling calm and at peace.

Bonus: Co-regulation

Co-regulation happens in a space when you are seated with someone whose nervous system is calm, open, and welcoming. It could be your pet, a person you know, a comfortable acquaintance, a reading buddy, a sports buddy, a movie buddy, or any individual with whom your own nervous system begins to sync. This co-regulation makes you feel safe and enjoy yourself around some people. For co-regulation, you don’t necessarily have to engage in conversation; it could be as simple as the presence of a person, some eye contact, warmth in the space, or just playing with and being around pets. It is hard to access co-regulation at times; therefore, you have to be deliberate. You can sign up for a like-minded community where you feel grounded and connected, choose environments that are stimulating enough to help you feel calm, or pick music or a healing space where you feel peace.

Also read: #SaneGirlEra: Why more women prefer real-life meet-cutes over dating apps

Also read: #SaneGirlEra: How to break free from your worst-case scenario brain