#SaneGirlEra: How to survive appraisal season without losing your mind

Just like we live through every season of the year, appraisal season is the one that employees can’t and do not want to escape at work. 

Closer to April, I was working at a corporate office, facilitating wellness programs. I was observing a few people on the floor and how they worked in their cubicles. An employee received an email from the manager about growth and reflection, which made his mind go into a spiral. He came to me as I was seated a few chairs away. We spoke about how he felt about the email and what made him spiral. It was the general prompts that were asked to be answered in detail. This is where he saw the prompts as his personal exam, assuming he might get it wrong and be rejected. He was not able to perceive it as a general feedback questionnaire, where his thoughts on how he actually feels and thinks about his work and how he was able to serve his best in that year, were more important than looking at it as right or wrong answers. 

Amongst other things, it was observed that feedback from any authority in the team triggered something in their stomachs. Just before this season, sleep becomes poor, and you are thinking about numbers. Five minutes of conversation somehow define your existence for the entire year. You either lose appetite or binge eat. Every night before you sleep and after you rise in the morning, all that you think of is your salary and how your manager has made you feel. You keep replaying the conversations in your mind. 

Welcome to the appraisal season

When you come across a situation where you have to face an evaluation, your brain immediately scans for danger and looks at that situation as a threat. That’s where the amygdala zooms in for extreme scenarios. It forgets to distinguish between a lion as a real threat and a performance review. Both feel like a survival. This is where the sweating, overthinking, anxiety, panic attacks, hyperventilating, and morning discomfort begin. 

The trouble is also when you are associating and fusing your identity with the outcome. If at all you get a low rating, you silently end up thinking, 'I am not enough.’ You start looking at feedback as the measuring instrument for your entire career, and you feel, 'this is the end of it, and I cannot grow anymore.' A lot of the time, you also feel that the manager is being unfair and that there is no justice. Performances of your other colleagues are validated, recognised, and appreciated more than yours. Now, these are the thoughts worth fighting, not just the appraisal itself. 

Let me help you with six powerful techniques for beating this appraisal anxiety. 

1. Separate your rating and feedback from your self-worth

The rating your manager shares does not define your entire career, and the feedback you receive does not define you as an individual. No single incident, failure, or even rejection can define your entire career. It’s not the end of life. Do not take the feedback as a personal attack; instead, consider how you want to incorporate that piece of information as a room for improvement; it could be a trait to reflect on or a behaviour you would like to alter in your life.

2. Write down your own report card

This is also called creating a 'Brag File'. Irrespective of what feedback you receive, write down what you have achieved, what has been the most difficult phase you experienced in the year and how you sailed through it. Pen down what helped you and what did not serve you well. All the small wins and achievements can be recorded here, and keeping a log of them really helps the mind to feel calm. Identify your cognitions (thoughts) that helped you navigate through the tough projects. Towards the end, mention what skills you limited your expertise to, which you need to hone and upskill in a specific area of your career. 

3. Talk to someone

This can be someone you feel emotionally safe with or someone you look up to. It could be your mentor, someone more experienced in life than you and with an unbiased perspective to share. You could also consider talking to a professional, a therapist or any experienced adult in that field. 

4. Sit back and use the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) tool

It’s important to identify your distorted cognitions and beliefs that you hold about yourself. Thoughts such as 'I am not enough', 'I don’t think I can do this', 'I don’t think I’m capable of handling this project.' Challenge these thoughts by asking for enough evidence and facts from the past. Write these down. Some would confirm your belief, and on the other hand, write down the evidence that is against and not supportive of your negative belief. 

5. Build an identity outside your professional space

It should always be a “different me” outside work. Building hobbies, healthy relationships, and a passion that is not your work but something beyond it makes life more meaningful and fulfilling. 

6. Keep a check on your patterns

This will help you see your story through a different lens. We all have certain patterns. A pattern is a repeated way of thinking, feeling, responding or behaving that your mind has learned over a prolonged period of years. These patterns are seen in different areas of your life. There are three different kinds of patterns we all have. Mental Patterns where we repeatedly have the same thoughts and beliefs, and end up interpreting or perceiving things in the same way. Emotional patterns are the recurring emotions to which we react in the same way to situations. Behavioural patterns are the ways we behave, the actions and habits that make up our behaviour. So, identifying these patterns and then reflecting on how you would like to alter them and try alternative, appropriate ways of dealing with and coping with them will also help you come a long way. 

Remember, appraisal season will come every year. But this time, you will approach it with greater awareness, better equipped and better prepared.

Sane Girl Era is our column featuring psychologist Meghna Karia, who pens down her expert advice to help Cosmo readers find solace and sanity amidst the chaos.

Meghna Karia is a psychologist, psychotherapist, and mental health trainer, trained and certified in REBT from the Albert Ellis Institute. She specialises in treating addiction, eating disorders, anxiety, relationship concerns, corporate stress, and existential crises.

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