Are you dating your type or just your pattern?

When it comes to dating and relationships, many believe they have a specific type regarding the person they pursue (and possibly end up with). If one takes the time for some self-reflection, they should ask themselves whether their dating choices are dictated by this chosen type or if it’s just a recurring pattern. While having a specific preference in mind is natural, only dating people who fit this type is a pattern—one where they repeat something they’ve done in the past, whether healthy or toxic. Understanding this difference (between type and pattern) can lead to more fulfilling and long-lasting relationships.

 

When you date your type

It’s all about preferences. Some individuals like a particular look (tall, lean, or athletic) or specific personality traits. When you date someone who fits your type, things can feel effortless—you don’t even have to try or think about what to say because there’s an instant connection based on familiarity. Having a type in dating isn’t a bad thing, especially if your heart is in the right place and your type aligns with your needs and values in a relationship.

That said, no method is perfect, and being too rigid about your type can prevent you from exploring and dating outside of it. If your type is purely based on surface-level qualities, you might be limiting your chances of finding someone who truly aligns with your deeper emotional and intellectual needs.

When you date a pattern

Patterns, compared to a type, are an individual’s subconscious choices that repeat without them even realising it. These patterns often stem from past experiences, family dynamics, or unresolved emotional wounds and trauma. If someone consistently finds themselves in relationships that end the same way—whether through toxic cycles, emotional unavailability, or a lack of commitment—it might not be their type that’s the issue, but rather an ingrained pattern.

Recognising these patterns requires self-awareness and reflection, as well as asking tough but important questions: Do my relationships tend to follow the same trajectory? Am I choosing partners based on past wounds rather than future potential? Once you get the answer, it’s time to make conscious, healthier choices.

Knowing the difference between the two is a crucial step towards building healthier relationships. While having a type can help guide attraction, it shouldn’t become a rigid filter that limits opportunities for meaningful connections. On the other hand, identifying and breaking negative dating patterns can prevent repeated heartbreak and open the door to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. All you need to do is be self-aware and stay open to different possibilities.

Lead image: Netflix

Also read: 9 things you can to do to find your ‘the one’ on a dating app

Also read: Six dating trends to look out for in 2025