Are you being led on? Understanding the trap of future faking

It starts like a dream—a picture-perfect future painted in vivid detail. One moment, you're swept up in grand plans for candlelit dinners in Santorini, a shared loft in the city, and the names of your future kids. The next? You're left wondering if any of it was ever real.

This is future faking—when someone makes grand, romantic promises to win your affection, without any real intention of following through. It's intoxicating, it's calculated, and it can keep you emotionally tethered to a fantasy instead of reality. But here's the tricky part: not everyone who dreams big with you is a manipulator. Some genuinely believe in the fairytale but lack the ability to make it real. The key is watching what they do, not just what they say.

When words are just words

A future faker knows how to spin a spellbinding narrative, but if their actions never match up, you’re dealing with empty promises. Dr. Taylor Elizabeth, Emotional Intelligence Coach, says, “If you find yourself in a cycle of beautiful words with no follow-through, stop and assess. Are they bad at keeping commitments in every aspect of life—work, friendships, even daily routines? Or is it just when it comes to you? Patterns don’t lie. If consistency isn’t there, neither is the intention.”

When love moves too fast

There’s a fine line between a whirlwind romance and an emotional ambush. If someone is talking about forever when you barely know their middle name, that’s a red flag. True emotional intimacy takes time—it’s built through shared experiences, not just grand declarations. According to Dr Elizabeth, Pay attention to whether they truly see you or if they’re just saying what they think you want to hear. Most importantly, notice how they react when you suggest slowing down. If they resist or get frustrated, that’s a major sign that it’s not love—it’s manipulation.

When commitment is always "later"

One of the biggest giveaways of future faking? The moving goalpost. Plans are always “soon,” “one day,” or “when the timing is right”—but somehow, that day never comes. They keep you invested by dangling commitment just out of reach. If you find yourself constantly waiting for a trip that never gets booked, a family introduction that never happens, or a future that’s always on the horizon but never in your grasp, it’s time to wake up.

When they’re hot, then cold

One day, they’re showering you with attention, making you feel like the centre of their world. Next, they’re distant and distracted, leaving you questioning everything. This emotional rollercoaster isn’t love—it’s a tactic. Dr Elizabeth says, “The inconsistency keeps you hooked because you’re always chasing that initial high. Ask yourself: Are they actually going through personal stress, or do they always disappear when things get too real? Love should feel steady, not like a never-ending guessing game.”

When boundaries ruin the mood

Want to test whether their words actually mean anything? Call their bluff. Next time they make a grand promise, respond with something simple like, "That sounds amazing! When should we start planning?" If they suddenly get uncomfortable, act like you ruined the moment or try to deflect; that’s your answer. A real partner will be excited to make a plan. “A future faker will either evade or turn the conversation back on you. And if asking for clarity makes you feel guilty, that’s not romance—it’s manipulation,” quips Dr Elizabeth.

When you need to step outside the story

Your intuition is powerful, but when emotions are involved, it’s easy to get swept away. That’s why stepping outside your own perspective is so crucial. If your best friend were in this situation, what would you tell them? Would you encourage them to stay, or would you point out the obvious? Sometimes, distance is all you need to see the truth.

When everyone else sees it too

When you’re deep in a cycle of future faking, it can be impossible to recognise it for what it is. That’s why outside perspectives—friends, family, even a therapist—are invaluable. All it takes is one question: "Have they actually fulfilled any of these promises?" If multiple people raise concerns, don’t ignore them. Sometimes, the truth is what you’ve been avoiding.

Fantasy is fun—but reality is better

Dr Elizabeth sums up, “Future faking is a beautiful illusion—until the moment you realise you were in love with a story, not a person. Be aware, set boundaries, and never let words alone be the reason you stay. At the same time, remember that not every failed promise is manipulation.” Sometimes, it’s about personal struggles and fears. The key is consistency—do they show a genuine effort to change, or are you just stuck in a cycle of letdowns?

Lead image: Netflix 

Also read: Is micro-mancing the secret to lasting love?

Also read: Is dating truly harder now, or have we just made it more complicated?