Can’t pick between two crushes—here’s how to deal without losing your mind

We’ve all heard, “The heart wants what it wants.” But what if it wants two people at the same time? And no, we don’t mean falling in love with someone new while you’re already in love with someone else; this is about genuinely liking two people at the exact same time. In the age of endless swipes and quick matches, it’s surprisingly common to find yourself crushing on more than one person, leaving you confused about which path to follow when both bring different forms of excitement or comfort into your life. So, how do you figure out what you truly want without hurting yourself or others in the process? Therapists share insights on how to manage your feelings and gain clarity.

The paradox of endless options

Modern dating apps can feel a lot like an endless shopping cart—you're constantly adding people you like while still browsing for the “perfect” match. With every swipe, your curiosity grows, and so does your sense of possibility. You’re no longer just looking for someone who makes you laugh or shares your values; you’re also looking for someone taller, hotter, more emotionally available, more ambitious, the list keeps growing. The ease of access makes it tempting to keep your options open indefinitely, and suddenly, you’re not just dating people, you’re comparing them. Instead of accepting someone for who they are, you start scanning for flaws and mentally rating how each person fits into your idea of an ideal partner, convinced that the next swipe could be the one.

So why does this happen? 

Attraction to different qualities: It’s entirely normal to feel drawn to multiple people simultaneously, often for different reasons—physical chemistry with one, shared interests with another, emotional connection with a third. Sometimes, this stems from unfulfilled desires, and you subconsciously seek different types of companionship to fill those gaps.

The thrill of novelty: Having multiple crushes can be exciting. Your brain responds to the dopamine rush of pursuing different romantic interests, especially if they enter your life around the same time.

Fear of commitment: Sometimes, liking more than one person can indicate a deeper hesitation to commit, especially if you find it challenging to emotionally invest in just one person.

Finding clarity when you’re torn

Having multiple crushes is especially common during your teenage and young adult years, but if this pattern continues into adulthood, it can lead to emotional instability and difficulties in building lasting bonds. It might also reflect commitment issues you haven’t yet addressed.

That said, liking more than one person at the same time doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with you. It could simply mean you’re open to exploring your emotions and connections while still figuring out your needs and desires.

Here’s how you can sort through your feelings to help you make the right choice. 

Reflect on what each person represents: What is it about each person that draws you in? Are you seeking emotional comfort, shared values, or physical attraction? Consider what kind of relationship you envision with each person and whether their life goals align with yours.

Build self-awareness: Take time to understand what you want from a relationship. If you’re unclear about your own needs or long-term goals, it will be harder to know what you want from a partner.

Be patient with yourself: It’s okay to take a step back and give yourself space to process these feelings. Clarity often comes when you slow down and reflect rather than rushing to choose between options.

Lead image: Getty Images

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