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"How We Realised We'd Married the Wrong Person"

"Around month two. When I realised he was never going to put in the minimum amount of effort needed to be with me."

Married the wrong person? Here's how to know Peter Dazeley

Are you thinking about marrying your partner and wondering if you're ready? Or already married and thinking about getting a divorce? For anyone considering starting or ending a marriage, these stories from women who realised they had married the 'wrong person' are insightful as hell. Here's when they came to the realisation...

1. "I’ve always, always wanted to take a trip to Italy, and when I pictured myself there, enjoying the sights and food, I never saw him with me. Of course there was the lying, cheating, and being unable to keep a job things, too." [via]

2. "When he said, 'My mother’s opinion will come before yours. Always'." [via]

3. "My family hated my ex husband. I should have known from the beginning but I was too blind to see what they could. I got sick and found out I was infertile. He told me he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life taking care of his sick wife. I should have known then. It took me almost dying to realise I married the wrong person. While I was in the hospital, my parents called him. He showed up, said, 'Hi' and then said he had to leave because he needed to open the gate to our ranch so someone could mow the grass. I realised then I was not a priority in his life. I never was. After I got better and went home, I divorced him." [via]

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4. "We were in the car and I told a hilarious joke. So funny, I was laughing at it myself. He looked over at me super serious and said, 'You know, I really don’t think you’re that funny'." [via]

5. "When I visited a friend and stayed with her and her husband. I realised that my marriage had no emotional or physical intimacy after seeing the way they interacted. I had married young, and never had seen any intimacy between my parents, so I had no awareness something was wrong. When I went home I spent months trying to connect, and explain to him what was missing, but I saw that he was too emotionally stunted to ever be what I needed. I eventually filed for divorce, and he revealed himself as someone I didn't recognise during that process. So I knew I made the right decision." [via]

6. "With my ex husband, the morning after the wedding. We were driving to his parents' house from the hotel room and he dropped the bombshell on me that in six months since I had helped him pay off his credit card, he’d racked up £8,000 in debt. He was also cheating on me constantly. That marriage lasted nine months. It was a huge mistake." [via]

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Married the wrong person? Here's how to tell Peter Dazeley

7. "I think when I thought it, when I realised it and when I admitted it to myself were actually three separate events. I thought that he wasn’t quite right for me prior to being married, but I shrugged it off. I was young, and should have been more intentional about it rather than just, ‘Eh, he’s fine I guess’. I realised it was a mistake probably in that first year, but by that point I had a newborn and was in no financial/mental condition to leave due to his consistent verbal/financial abuse.

I admitted to myself that it was all a mistake around year five. By then I had regained some independence and was older (we married when I was in my early 20s) and knew that the way our relationship functioned was wrong. I admitted to myself that he had been abusive and that it wasn’t going to work, in spite of his vast improvements. I think what really solidified it for me is when I realised I hated looking at our wedding pictures. I never felt any sense of love or fond memories, only regret and a feeling I can most closely describe as disgust." [via]

8. "When I realised he was never going to put in the minimum amount of effort needed to be with me. Around month two." [via]

9. "The day after our wedding, but I stayed for a while and tried hard to make it work. It was like a switch flipped as soon as we were married and he turned from doing, being and saying all the ‘right’ things to extreme controlling (finances, friends, family), manipulation and gaslighting behaviour." [via]

10. "On the wedding night when he invited friends to our hotel room after the reception and then passed out drunk and high." [via]

11. "Minutes before walking down the aisle. You know that moment, when they have the groom turned around and the bride walks up for home to turn around and see her for the first time? Yeah, that moment. My best friend made my wedding dress and I loved it. She worked very hard on it for months. I was so excited to see his reaction. Instead, I got this creepy, fake smile and I could tell in an instant he hated it. He said nothing, just kept smiling that smile. If there hadn’t been 100+ people waiting for the ceremony to start, or had I had a backbone at the time, I would have walked out. The marriage lasted two years." [via]